Ranma Saga
by E. 0rchid
Summary: Upon learning that the Tendo family finances are dwindling into oblivion due to the need for constant repairs Nabiki forces the cause of the disasters, namely Ranma, to get a parttime job. Things just get crazier from there. AU Excel Saga xover. Ranmax?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or Excel Saga, so please don't sue me!

Author's Notes: This story combines the Excel Saga manga and anime, the anime not so much aside from some of the general gimmicks, and the Ranma ½ manga and anime, once again the anime not so much, so you have been forewarned!

**Ranma Saga**

**Chapter 1: A PART-TIME JOB!?**

"WHAM!"

"BAM!"

"CRASH! THUD, THUD, THUD!"

"SLAP!"

"CRASH!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"Another typical day I suppose, eh Saotome?" an middle aged gentleman donning a forest green gi and karate pants inquired as he calmly examined a shoji board in front of him. Stroking his thick black mustache a couple of time, and running a large, rough, and calloused hand through his long raven mane he peaceably ignored the brilliant reds, oranges, and yellows of a giant explosion from the backyard that shook the very foundations of the Tendo household.

"I suppose so Tendo, I suppose so. However, I do wish that fool son of mine would keep that noise down. I can't concentrate with all of this racket," a portly man donning an off-white gi and karate pants commented as he furrowed his brow and corrected his small circular frames which were perched on the edge of his snout like nose. He then brushed off some of the white chalk like debris from his baby blue bandana which had been produced by the crumbling ceiling above them.

"I suppose I'll have to call the foreman out here for this one, there's a good chance that half of the house will be destroyed this time," Soun commented as he looked around the living room and noted the giant smoldering cavernous holes in the wall, and the fact that the tan colored floor beneath him was also full of giant holes.

"How much money do you have left?" Genma inquired skeptically as he started to consider just how many times Soun had to pay for damages to his house. "I know that your father left you with quite a substantial fortune, but surely that's started to run dry. Not only that, but you haven't taught any classes in a while and there's no way that even Nabiki could afford to continue to pay for the damages," Genma stated as he continued to thoroughly trounce Soun in the game.

"Now that you mention I suppose you're right old friend," Soun stated with a thoughtful expression on his face as he began to ponder just how much of his inheritance, and savings he had spent on the cost of repairing the house and dojo. While he had done some minor repairs himself in order to save money, more often than not he had to call out a construction company to almost completely rebuild the house. He could only guess how much of his money he had funneled away trying to keep the house together. In fact he wouldn't be surprised if his father was turning in his grave at this very moment upon another massive amount of his fortune being used to repair his old house.

"Well either way, it could become a problem pretty soon so it might be best if we come up with some preventative measures," Genma stated as he examined the board in front of him with a stern, yet thoughtful, expression on his face as he began to stroke his chin pensively. 'Amazing,' Genma thought to himself as beads of sweat began to form on his brow. Somehow Soun had made an astonishing comeback while lost in thought, and now they were dead even. Of course this didn't bode well with Genma due to the fact that he had cheated fair and square.

"What is it you suggest Saotome?" Soun inquired, effectively snapping his friend out of his revelry. He silently hoped that it wouldn't be some half whit idea that ended in failure, but of course this was his friend Genma so the chances of that happening were slim to none.

"Well, it is my belief that once Ranma finally comes to his senses and marries Akane the others will finally give up and everything will end peacefully. Of course convincing that good for nothing boy of mine seems to be the only thing holding us back at the moment, but I'm sure we can come up with something, eh Tendo?" Genma questioned with a devious smirk which Soun returned in kind.

"Yes old friend, I have a feeling that the schools will be joined very soon," Soun stated before another earth shaking explosion sounded from the backyard.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"But it doesn't seem like it will happen soon enough," Soun blubbered with tears streaming out of his eyes as he watched his once lovely, green, and healthy lawn turn into a virtual battlefield. He wasn't sure he could continue to pay for Ranma's confrontations and had begun to consider sending him off to live in a hotel for the time being. However, if he managed to destroy sections of the hotel, not to mention the hotel itself, that would prove even more costly.

Yes, Soun had found himself between a proverbial rock and a hard place. However, as he continued to think two familiar battle cries sounded out once again.

"MOKO!"

"SHI SHI!"

"ENOUGH!"

"Well this certainly is unusual," Soun commented as he looked up from the wooden board and cocked an eyebrow. "I could have sworn that sounded like Nabiki just now," he said as Genma used the distraction to quickly move his pieces into opportunistic spots.

"What do you say we go check it out then," Genma stated once he was fairly certain he had obtained the upper hand. Standing up the portly man corrected his circular frames once again as he started to head toward the backyard.

"I suppose we should, very good idea Saotome," Soun replied with a nod as he brushed off his gi and stood up before accompanying the bald man out of the room. Upon arriving outside they were greeted by a trios of teenagers currently engaged in a stand still, with a young woman with shoulder length brown hair, around the age of 17-18 donning a turquoise and white school uniform, glaring at two teenage boys who stood amongst the smoldering post apocalyptic remains of the backyard.

One of the young men, who looked to be between the age 16-17, stared blankly at the young woman, his cobalt blue eyes never leveling her rage filled dark brown orbs. His hair was done up in a pigtail that stretched down the length of his back, almost touching the small of his back, with shaggy bangs hanging in front of his slender boyish face. His red sleeveless Chinese shirt was ripped in several places, with small cuts adorning his toned and muscular frame. His black kung fu pants were also worse for wear with one leg almost completely missing, seemingly burned away while the well toned leg itself seemed only slightly bruised.

Adjacent to the young man was another who was bowing deeply in apology as he continued to mutter, "This is all your fault, Ranma." The young man was also donning well worn cloths consisting of a slightly ripped mustard yellow sleeveless shirt, loose black pants, and a mustard yellow bandana with black leopard like spots which held back his unruly black hair. Said hair was on the verge of falling over the bandana a spilling out over onto his element worn, yet handsome, face and covering his dark brown eyes. He too was incredibly muscular, even more so than the young man across from him. However, he was slightly less toned than his counter part.

"Nabiki what's wrong?" Soun questioned as he stepped beside the scowling young woman and eyed her with a puzzled expression in his eyes. For his part he had never seen his daughter worked up over anything, in fact he had almost taken up the practice of calling her the "Ice Queen" (a title she received from her fellow students due to her cold and calculating nature). For one to have said that it was a little disconcerting would have been a colossal understatement.

"Daddy have you checked the finances lately?" Nabiki questioned with a hint of acid dripping from her voice as she continued to glare daggers into the young men before her. To be honest she hadn't inspected them either until she had remembered that it was time to handle her slightly incompetent father's taxes. However, once she had examined the paper work she could no longer hold herself to her cold demeanor, much to her own vexation, as she felt the fires of rage build within the pit of her stomach. No one would drive Nabiki Tendo into the poor house, especially not some cocky muscle bound martial artist, and his freeloading father.

"No, not lately. Why do you ask?" Soun inquired with a hint of worry finding its way into his voice as he continued to eye his daughter. Soun couldn't keep himself from considering what this might mean for him and his children. If Nabiki was worried about money then it must be serious.

"Well let's just put it this way, none of us can afford this kind of chaos any longer without going into considerable debt. In fact, now that I've had a good look around, it will take just about every last dime to repair the current damage," the brown haired teen stated as she continued to scan the "yard" with her scowl deepening even further.

"What do you mean? I'm sure my inheritance couldn't have been drained **this** quickly!" Soun exclaimed as he eyed his daughter who simply shook her head in disgust.

"You really didn't look over the terms concerning grandpa's will did you?" Nabiki questioned as she exhaled an exasperated sigh. "We've already used up all of the money allotted to us for the current time. We won't have access to the rest of it until one of us gets married," Nabiki stated as she fished out a set of ear plugs and prepared for the torrent.

"WHHHAAAAAATTTT!" Soun exclaimed in horror as tears started to flow from his eyes. "WE HAVE TO JOIN THE SCHOOLS THIS VERY MINUTE THEN!" Soun cried out once again as Nabiki slowly started to remove her ear plugs and sighed.

"That's not possible either, you see the eldest has to be married in order for us to have access to the rest of it," Nabiki said as she brought up a hand to silence her father before he had a chance to speak. She already knew what he was going to say, and as long as she got to the rest of the money it didn't matter to her. "We could engage him to Kasumi, but don't forget she has to consent. Besides, we'd have to wait almost a year after they got married. I guess gramps considered the possibility that you might engage us to just about anyone to get the money, so I guess he wanted to make sure that the marriage lasted longer than a week."

"B-B-BUT THIS IS ABSURD! HOW CAN WE AFFORD THIS!?" Soun exclaimed as tears continued to flow from his eyes and he crumpled to the ground in the fetal position.

"Well I do have one solution," Nabiki stated with an exasperated sigh as she turned toward Genma, who was currently glaring at Ranma who was currently sticking up his middle finger at him. "Mr. Saotome I've already informed Dr. Tofu that you'll be coming back to work for him. You start again tomorrow," Nabiki stated with finality in her tone and an ice glare which caused the man to start to sweat and nod his head numbly. Angering Nabiki Tendo was not a wise move if one wanted to maintain their dignity, sanity, and bank account.

"As for you, Ryouga honey, the next thing you destroy will be coming out of your pocket. You got that?" Nabiki growled while Ryouga simply nodded his head dumbly. He too had learned, during his stay as P-chan, that angering the middle Tendo was something best avoided.

"Serves you right, stupid pig boy," Ranma muttered with a smirk which earned him a death glare from the lost boy, but nothing else. "Well since our fight is over I'm a little hungry, so I'm going to get somethin' to eat," Ranma stated as he shot one last smirk at Ryouga before heading past a deviously smirking Nabiki and into the house.

'Well Ranma baby, we'll see if you get a chance to fill up the freeloading stomach of yours for free,' Nabiki thought to herself as she closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable. 'Any minute now,' she thought to herself as her smirk widened and the anticipation ate away at her patience. Fortunately it didn't take long.

"WHAT THE!? WHO WRAPPED THE FRIDGE UP IN CHAINS WITH A GIANT PAD LOCK, AND ADDED A DNA SCANNER TO THE DOOR HANDLE!?" Ranma bellowed from the kitchen followed by an "Oh my" from Kasumi.

'I can't wait until her tries to open it,' Nabiki thought to herself with a smirk just before a blood curdling scream was heard from the kitchen.

"AYIEEEEEEEE! WHO THE HECK WRIGED THIS THING WITH A SECURITY SYSTEM THAT SHOOTS OUT FIRE FROM NO WHERE!? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!? WHY ISN'T MY FINGER SCAN…NABIKI!" Ranma roared as the sound of foot steps stomping through the house at a rapid pace reverberated through out the entire house, and shook the foundations.

"You didn't honestly think that you got off the hook, did you Ranma baby?" Nabiki inquired in faux sugary sweet tone of voice as she turned around and faced a fuming, quite literarily, Ranma.

"Nabikiiiii," Ranma growled out as he glared daggers into the middle Tendo who simply smirked back in response.

"Like I was saying, you, Ranma Saotome, must find a job or the money to cover the damages to the house this time," Nabiki stated as Ranma's eyebrow began to twitch violently.

"And what if I say no?" Ranma inquired with a hint of venom dripping off of every word.

"Well that's actually quite simple…you don't eat," Nabiki stated flatly as Ranma's jaw crashed through the deck. "Well that's one more thing you have to pay for, so I suggest that you go get a newspaper and look into the classifieds," Nabiki said with a victorious smirk as she brushed past a sputtering Ranma and into the house.

"Well Ranma, what was that about serving me right?" Ryouga inquired with a devious smirk as he took enjoyment from his rival's pain. It was about time that Ranma suffered a little for all that he had done to him in the past.

Ranma shot a death glare at the lost boy before whipping around to face Nabiki's fleeting form. "B-B-BUT HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE THAT KINDA MONEY!?" Ranma cried out as his stomach growled out in protest of his actions.

"Since your pictures aren't selling all that well anymore, even that idiot Kuno stopped buying so many, we can't really make a deal regarding that. I mean there are only so many poses one can do before you've seen it all I guess…well you could always work at the Ucchan's or the Nekohaten. I'm sure either of your other fiancées would love to have you work for them," Nabiki suggested without turning around as she continued to head down the hallway toward the stairs.

Ranma visibly shuddered upon hearing her suggestion to work at either eatery. While working at Ucchan's might not have been too bad, except for the constant threat of attack from either Shampoo or Akane (who would more than likely claim that Ukyo and he were engaged in some kind of perverted act), he definitely wanted to stay as far away from the Nekohaten as he possibly could. Aside from his week long indentured servitude at one point, working as a waitress due to various circumstances, he never wanted to set foot in that establishment.

"You're joking right? I thought you said you were going to pay for it?" Ranma inquired flatly as Nabiki stopped in mid-stride, just before reaching the stairs, and turned to face him.

"Well I considered it, but I thought the family might need the money just incase of an emergency. Besides you could always get a (cue slow motion) P a r t t i m e J o b," Nabiki finished as Ranma, Ryouga, Genma, and Soun's eyes widened in horror.

"CRASH!"

"Oh my, now why did those dishes suddenly slip out of my hands?" Kasumi stated from the kitchen.

'She just gave Ranma-kun a death sentence,' Soun thought to himself as tears once again started to flow from his eyes. "NOW THE SCHOOLS WILL NEVER BE JOINED!" Soun cried out as he began to blubber once again.

"My poor poor poor, foolish son. Even I cannot think of anything he has done to earn a fate such as this," Genma muttered to himself as he shook his head in pity. 'Forgive me boy, but there is nothing I can do now. Perhaps your mother and I should have had another son just in case of something like this,' Genma thought to himself as he left the room.

'Wow, I guess Ranma really does know my shame and sorrow now,' Ryouga thought to himself, for once feeling sorry for his rival. Even Ranma couldn't have done anything to earn such a sad and miserable fate.

It was at that very moment that the trio gathered in the room heard the sounds of forced chuckling.

"That's a good one Nab's, you actually had me goin' there for a moment," Ranma said as he continued to chuckle, but there was horrified and hallowed look in his cobalt blue orbs as he stared up Nabiki.

"I wasn't joking, I suggest you go find a part-time job to cover the cost of the damages…unless of course you don't want to eat," Nabiki stated with finality in her tone as she began to trek up the stairs again.

"Ranma," Soun stated sympathetically as he walked over to young man placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure we can find the money somewhere, and maybe you could work with either of your other fiancées. I'm sure Akane would understand the situation once I explain it to her. I know this must be hard on you, so I can understand if you're too scared to even-"

"NO! RANMA SAOTOME ISN'T AFRIAD OF ANYTHING… aside from cats. I WILL GET A PART-TIME JOB AND PROVE, once again, TO EVERYONE THAT I AM IN FACT THE GREATEST MARTIAL ARTIST/PART-TIME EMPLOYEE!" Ranma exclaimed as he whipped around to face Soun with determination now shining in his eyes, or possibly just the reflection from the ceiling light directly above them.

"Ranma-kun, are you sure? You do know what part-time employment generally entails don't you? You may have to work with the general public, and we know your people skills aren't all that great, then you might have to work long hours for minimum wage, which is far to little for anyone to actually survive off of. Then you'll have to deal with half-crazed fellow employees who will stalk you to your house and kill your dog while you're sleeping just so you know not to get in their way because they run "fill-in-the-blank" establishment/corporation /retailer /ect."

"Not the manager, not the assistant manager, and certainly not you. Are you really ready for that?" Soun inquired as he eyed Ranma with a look of disbelief.

"I've got no choice Mr. Tendo, so don't try to stop me," Ranma stated with a definitive nod as he released his shoulder from Soun's grip before turning around and heading toward the door.

'Good luck Ranma, and God Speed,' Soun thought to himself as he saluted the raven black haired teen and watched him head out of the house into the world of struggle, strife, and no insurance until you've had a year on the job.

Meanwhile Ryouga found himself thinking, 'Either he really is an idiot, or he's a lot stronger man then me…NO! I too will get a job and prove that **I** am the better martial artist/part-time employee!' With that he bounded out of the Tendo's backyard, and promptly got himself lost.

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"Well it can't be too hard to find a job," Ranma muttered to himself with a frown as he started his trek toward the Nermia shopping district. Inspecting the outfit he was currently donning he found that, in his rush to prove his greatness, that he had forgotten to change into something more suitable for job hunting.

'Well I could always go back and change, but all I have are these shirts and a school uniform,' Ranma thought to himself as he stopped in mid-stride and started ruffle through his pants pockets. Extracting a couple bills her realized he had just enough for a decent dress shirt and a pair of cheap pants. 'Well I guess I'll have to do a little s-s-s-shopping,' Ranma thought to himself with a slight shiver as he recommend his walk down the nearly empty street toward the Seibu Department Store a few blocks down.

"Stupid Nabiki," Ranma muttered to himself as he turned at the corner and strode past a group of children who eyed him with a look of puzzlement on their features.

"Do you think he got beat up? His cloths are all torn up and he's bleedin' a little," one stated as he adjusted his red and white baseball cap so that it wasn't blocking his vision and then straightened up his navy blue backpack on his shoulders.

"I don't know, but he seems pretty mad," another boy with coke bottle glasses stated as he sniffed reflexively and straightened up the collar of his green and white rugby shirt.

"Ya' know he's kinda got a sad look in his eyes. Kinda' reminds me of that time that my mom told my brother to get this thing," a young man donning a red tee-shirt, and khaki shorts chimed in as he tried to recall a tidbit of information.

"Oh yeah! She told him to get this thing called a part-time job! Man did he start crying like a baby, and once he got whatever it was he was never the same again. Now he drinks day in and day out, he's got five children by six different women (Author's note: Yes, I know that doesn't make any sense.), and he goes out partying on school nights…oh yeah, and he still cries like a baby every night before he goes to bed."

'Thanks kid, you really made my day,' Ranma thought to himself sarcastically with a scowl forming on his lips as he leapt onto a nearby metal fence and began sprinting away from the boy who had nearly managed to shake his conviction. Besides, who's to say that his brother wasn't just a special case? He could always hope, and besides what mattered now was getting something to wear.

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"I hate shopping," Ranma muttered to himself as he walked out of the department store's fancy sliding glass doors while he finished buttoning the top button his red dress shirt and wiped a piece of lint off of his freshly creased black dress pants. He also found out that he had just enough for a decent read and black tie which complemented the ensemble nicely. In fact, with the way he looked, he would have been offered a job by the brown haired young woman donning a black woman's suit, who was in fact the manager, had he not come in looking like he had just been involved a street brawl.

"Well then, I guess I better get going, I don't have much time and I want to get a job before dinner," Ranma thought to himself as he finished correcting his tie and heard his stomach gurgle in agreement.

Heading down the street he passed several stores only to find none of them were hiring. 'What the heck!? No one's hiring!?' Ranma thought to himself with a frown as he continued to walk down the shopping districts dusty and dirty street. 'There's gotta be someone hiring,' Ranma thought to himself as he brushed past several people through the densely packed streets, and at one point he could have sworn that he felt someone pinch his butt.

"I don't think I can take too much more of this," Ranma muttered to himself as beads of sweat started to form on his brow as he pushed through another group of people. However, it was at that moment when he noticed the now hiring sign in the window of a small eatery. 'Well looks like my luck is finally started to change for the better,' he thought to himself with a smirk as he brushed past a few tourist as he reached the well worn wooden door and entered the establishment.

Upon entering he was greeted by the sight of well worn wooden tables, chairs, and a large, relatively new looking, black grill countertop. All in all it looked pretty similar to a (even more) run down Ucchan's.

"Did Ucchan expand and I not know about it? But it didn't look like an okonomiyaki restaurant," Ranma muttered to himself as he walked around the dusty establishment looking for someone to inquire about the job with. He did notice that the place a nice, almost intoxicating, smell to it, like the smell of hot cookies or freshly baked bread, and he found himself secretly hoping that he could simply get a job at the place to enjoy the smell everyday.

"Excuse me, but can I help you?"

"YAH!" Ranma yelped in surprise as he jumped and whipped around to face the doorway. Somehow this person had actually managed to sneak up behind him, which was no small feat to be sure. However, he didn't sense that they were a martial artist, and soon found himself slightly embarrassed by his reaction as slight tinge of pink found its way onto his cheeks.

"Welcome to the Ruki Ruki, and I asked can I help you," the gruff feminine voice stated as a young woman with long flowing blond hair stepped out of the shadows of the doorway. She was slim, but at the same time was nowhere near skinny and had a considerable amount of muscle tone which could be seen due to the fact that her well worn black khaki's were near skin tight. She also wore a tight true green dress shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, which flattered her he toned stomach and ample bosom. Her face was slender, with an elegant quality that Ranma found almost soothing to look at, and her pink pouty lips combined with her piercing jade green eyes made Ranma putty in her hands.

"Um, uh, duh," Ranma forced out as he tried to reclaim any traces of his fleeting mind. None of his fiancées were this gorgeous, and he subconsciously found himself hoping that his father, the idiot he was, might have engaged him to the alluring young woman. It was a long shot to be sure, but there was always a chance.

"Hehe," the young woman chuckled as she fished a cigarette out of her shirt pocket and picked up a match from off of one of the tables. After lighting her cancer stick she fanned out the match before taking a long drag and exhaling the smoke through her nose. "Let me guess, you're here for the job right kiddo?" the woman inquired with giggle, seemingly despite herself, as Ranma nodded dumbly in response.

"Well first of all what's your name, assuming you can actually open your mouth," the woman stated as Ranma shook his head furiously and corrected himself.

"My name is Ranma Saotome," he stated proudly before adding, "I saw the sign in your window and I was just wonderin' if you were still hiring."

"Well then, you're in luck Saotome-kun because it just so happens that I am. Let me ask you though, are you sure you want to work in a dump like this?" the woman inquired as she took another drag on her cigarette before exhaling the smoke out the side of her mouth.

Of course had anyone else had asked that question, other than the woman standing before him, he would have promptly stuck his foot in his mouth and said, "Hell no." But fortunately he said, "Not really, but it doesn't look all that bad. Besides, there's nothing a martial artist like me can't do."

The woman once again chuckled as she shook her head and took one last drag on her cigarette before crushing it out in a metallic ash tray on the table she was standing by. "I like you kid, so let me tell you what the job entails and then we'll see if you still want to work here," the woman said as she pulled out two seats, one across from the other, and took a seat before signaling Ranma over. The young man quickly complied and took a seat.

"Now, just in case you didn't already know, this is a grill/okonomiyaki restaurant. If I were to hire you it would probably be as a waiter, but don't think it's as simple as its sounds. First of all you'd have to work near 30 hours a week, if not more, for minimum wage. If I need you for overtime, which you'll still get regular pay and not time and a half for, you're going to have to be available, and if not you're going to have to have a damn good reason why you're not. You'll have to perform any necessary repairs, do the electrical, take out the garbage, feed my horses, baby-sit my sister's brats, pick up my smokes, handle the plumbing, buy my feminine products, don't worry I'll give you the money for that, and fuck my brains out when I need a good lay," the woman stated as Ranma had blanked out until he heard the last part which caused him to blush as red as a tomato ,choke on his own saliva, and fall out of his chair making gurgling noises.

"On top of that, aside from all of the duties that being a waiter is associated with, you'll also have to clean the bathrooms and clean down the restaurant when it's time to close up shop, don't worry I'll clean down the grill and all of my supplies but you've got to cover everything else," the woman finished as Ranma simply stared at her dumbly.

"So, you still want to work here?" she asked with a small smirk finding its way onto her lips.

"Uh…yeah?" Ranma replied as looked at the woman as if she was stupid, especially considering that one of those task actually sounded much more enjoyable then she let on. "If that's supposed to be hard then I've got this whole part-time job thing pegged the wrong way," Ranma stated with a satisfied grin as the blond in front of him smirked a little more.

"You've got some big brass ones kid, most guys would have run out of here upon hearing the overtime was without any kind of time and a half. Also, you do realize that I don't have gloves for latrine duty don't you? You've got to bare hand it."

"Ah, that doesn't sound too bad. I've seen and been through nastier stuff than that," Ranma replied while waving a hand dismissively. "Besides, you could have me working 45 plus hours a week for part-time benefits (those don't really exist by the way. If you think they do you've been lied to…THERE LIES, ALL LIES I TELL YOU!) and have me cleaning the toilets with my mouth like most grocery stores do now-a-days."

"They actually do that!?" the jade eyed woman exclaimed in horror as Ranma nodded his head solemnly.

"So when do I start?" Ranma asked as the woman before him shook off the shock caused by his earlier statement.

"Well you could start today, but first I've got to know what your age is," woman said as she fished out another cigarette and placed between her lips without lighting it.

"I'm, uh, seventeen?" Ranma replied as the woman's eyes widened considerably for a moment.

"Well I'll be damned," she muttered to herself as she shook her head and chuckled. "Sorry kid, but your three years off for this job," the blond stated as she pushed her chair back and stood up.

"W-W-What do you mean?" Ranma stuttered out as he eyed the attractive woman before him incredulously.

"I serve alcohol here, so you've got to be 20 to work here. Sorry kid, feel free to see me in three years though," the woman stated as she brushed off her dress shirt and headed toward the back room where she disappeared.

"Damn it, I was so close. This job was almost perfect too," Ranma cursed to himself as he slammed his fist on the table, and found that despite how it looked it was actually fairly sturdy.

"However, I do know someone who might know something about another job that doesn't have an age restriction," the woman stated as she reappeared with a white standard envelope and a piece of paper in hand. "Here, take these and follow the directions of this sheet of paper. If you're really interested in a job this should do the trick, and that I can guarantee you."

"Um, thanks I guess, um," Ranma replied uncertainly as he took the envelope and paper and pocketed them before turning to face the woman once again with a puzzled look on his face.

"Julia, Searrs Julia," the Julia responded with a warm smile before she added, "Feel free to come by anytime Saotome-kun, I could always use the company. Well then I'll see you around." With that she grabbed a bright red umbrella out of a nearby tin holder and headed toward the door. "Looks like it's starting to rain," she commented more to herself then Ranma as she headed out of the door leaving said raven haired martial artist alone in the shop.

"Isn't she going to close up then?" Ranma thought to himself as he scratched his head in puzzlement while he stood up from his chair. "Wait! Did she say it was raining!?" Ranma exclaimed as he rushed to a nearby window and noted that there was in fact a heavy rain coming down and it didn't seem to be letting up anytime soon. However, the strangest thing he noted was the fact that the sky still looked clear, granted there were clouds but the sun was still shining brightly in the sky.

'Pops told me that when it rains like this misfortune is sure to follow,' Ranma thought to himself with a frown just before he heard the door burst open.

"HOLY PUNI PUNI POEMY! I forgot to lock up the shop!" a panting and slightly damp Julia exclaimed as she looked around wide eyed trying to make sure no one had stolen anything. Granted she doubted they would steal from a dingy place like the Ruki Ruki, but one could never be too safe.

"And here I thought you left it open on purpose," Ranma muttered with a smirk as he backed away from the window and walked over toward the panting blond. 'She must've run all the way back here,' he thought to himself.

"Don't worry nobody stole anything," Ranma told her reassuringly before adding, "You wouldn't happen to have a spare umbrella would ya'?"

Blushing despite herself, due to the embarrassing situation she found herself in, Julia could only nod dumbly as she reached over toward the umbrella tin, pulled out a navy blue umbrella with yellow trim, and handed it to Ranma. 'And here I thought I was going to be able to look all dramatic and cool,' Julia thought while mentally kicking herself.

"Thanks, well I'll be seeing ya'!" Ranma stated as he bound out the store and down the street before deciding he would rather leap across the roofs.

Meanwhile Julia found herself gawking at the amazing display. Granted she had lived in Nermia for awhile, but she never believed the rumors of super powered martial artist until now. 'Well I suppose it's a good thing that I gave him that information,' she thought to herself with a small smile as she locked up the shop and headed out onto the near empty streets as people rushed home to get out of the rain.

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"I'm home!" Ranma called out as he bounded through the door before taking off his shoes and heading toward the dining room where everyone was gathered.

"Oh, hello Ranma how was your day?" Kasumi inquired with her ever present smile set on her face as she set about setting up the table for dinner, her slender hands working with speed and grace and her baby blue sundress fluttering around her lithe figure. "Did you find a part-time job?" she asked as she held off from setting a place for him. Granted she felt terrible about doing so, but no one, not even her, was completely immune from Nabiki's wrath once she got to a certain point. Hopefully Ranma had gotten a job and she wouldn't have to worry about upsetting either one of them.

"Um, well, I almost did but I got some information about another one so I really don't know yet," Ranma told Kasumi as he yanked off his tie and draped it over his shoulder before loosing up the buttons on his collar.

"I didn't think finding a job would be that hard though, most places actually had signs that said "No, we aren't hiring so don't even coming inside to ask you worthless jobless individuals"," Ranma commented as he took a seat the table completely ignoring the confusion on Kasumi's face.

'Well he said he doesn't know yet, so does that mean he can eat because he might have a job?' Kasumi wondered to herself with a slightly pained expression on her face. She didn't want to be wrong because that would mean facing Nabiki's wrath, but she also didn't want Ranma to think she was actually going along with her sister's plan by choice.

"Well the economy isn't doing to well right now, although were currently doing better then the United States job market (yes that is a jab, and if you don't believe me try finding a job anytime before Christmas. It ain't gonna happen, and if it does you're incredibly lucky), so jobs are getting harder to find. So what kind of information did they give you about the other job?" she asked as Ranma released a beleaguered sigh and pulled out the envelope and a piece of paper.

"I don't know, I haven't had a chance to look at it yet," Ranma said as he handed the envelope to Kasumi and let her open it. He then promptly passed out on the table as his stomach released a monstrous growl in anger for not having been fed for almost 24 hours.

"Oh my!" Kasumi exclaimed with hint of joy as she pulled out the letter and began to read it. "Welcome, devout servant, to ACROSS. We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into our ranks and we expect that you will perform all of your duties to the best of your abilities, or lack thereof, and serve to educate the ignorant masses of our power. Your assigned station will be in Japan's F City, F Prefecture. You will report to the head of our operation there and will be briefed on your assignment. Once again, we look forward to working with, yahda yahda yahda, blah blah blah…oh my, I guess they must have gotten lazy," Kasumi stated as she handed the letter back to Ranma and gave him a warm smile.

'Well at least I don't have to worry about not feeding him,' she thought to herself as she set his place at the table and then walked back into the kitchen to retrieve the food.

"I got the job? Without an interview?" Ranma questioned as he stared at the paper in his hands blankly. He sat there for almost a minute before…

"YAHOOOOO! WHAT DID I TELL THEM!? I AM THE BEST MARTIAL ARTIST/PART-TIME EMPLOYEE IN THE WORLD! I'M SO GOOD I DIDN'T EVEN NEED AN INTERVIEW!" Ranma bellowed as he began to laugh manically. Now any normal person would have thought twice about a job that didn't require an interview, but due to the fact that he had never held a job before (aside from his forced servitude at the Nekohaten) Ranma thought it was completely normal.

"What are you so happy about?" a young woman with short boyish haircut inquired as she walked into the room donning a well worn off white gi and karate pants. Brushing a stray strand of her blue berry blue locks out of her face she eyed the grinning martial artist wearily.

"Yo' Akane! I got a job!" Ranma exclaimed as he gave her the "v for victory" and watched her face fault into the ground.

"YOU!? You got a job!?" Akane exclaimed in disbelief as Ranma bobbed his head up and down excitedly. 'Well I'll be,' Akane thought to herself as she stared at the boy before her with wide eyes.

"Oh Akane, why don't you hurry up and take a bath, dinner is almost ready," Kasumi stated as she entered back into the dining room and noticed her youngest sister staring at the still grinning Ranma. By now she could have sworn that the boy looked like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, because all she could see were his pearly whites at this point.

"R-R-Right," Akane stuttered out as she slowly exited the room. 'Ranma and a part-time job? Is the world coming to an end, or has he finally learned some responsibility?' Akane wondered to herself as a small smile found its way onto her lips. 'Well if he's finally learned to be more responsible then maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we actually...what am I thinking!? I am not going all lovey dovey just because he got a job, I mean who's to say he doesn't just quit tomorrow or something!? Besides, he'll still stick his foot in his mouth and act like a jerk,' Akane thought to herself with scowl while a tinge of pink found its way onto her cheeks.

'Whatever, I'll just take a bath and clear my thoughts,' she thought to herself as she entered into the bathroom, after stripping off her sweaty garments, and headed into the furo.

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Later that night, when everyone had gathered around the table for dinner, Nabiki read off the letter to everyone.

"Okay Ranma baby, don't get me wrong this is great and all, but I noticed they didn't give you an address or anything so how are you supposed to know where to go?" Nabiki inquired as she handed the letter back to him while he chuckled nervously.

While he could tell them that the other sheet of paper the woman gave him contained the directions to the place it also told him not to tell anyone, unless of course he wanted to have them assassinated in their sleep.

"Um, I'm pretty sure I know where to go, besides F City isn't that far from here. A couple of hours by train and all," Ranma stated as he put the letter back into his pocket.

"Finally boy, you've done something to make your father proud of you," Genma stated with a smirk as he continued to woof down his third bowl of rice in less than two minutes.

"Whatever old man, what have you done lately to make me proud of you?" Ranma muttered as he began to woof down his food once again, he being on his fourth bowl of the night.

"Well Saotome, it seems you've actually managed to raise a responsible young man. I have no doubts that he will perform the job to the best of his abilities, however there is other business to discuss as well," Soun stated as he cleared his throat, took a sip of tea, and cleared his throat once again. "It has come to my attention that it is necessary to switch the engagement over for the sake of our family and it's livelihood," Soun started as the sound of three bowls slamming onto the table echoed during his pause.

"What do you mean dad?" Akane inquired as hint of worry crept into her voice, surprising herself somewhat. Why should she care if they switched the engagement over to Nabiki, or Kasumi? If anything she should be glad that she didn't have to marry the sex changing pervert.

"Yes father, what do you mean?" Kasumi inquired with a hint of concern in her own voice, although her face betrayed no emotion. Hopefully, although she would never admit consciously, he was going to switch it over to Nabiki. Granted she liked Ranma quite a bit, but it was more of a mother son relationship and Ranma was just so…young.

"Um, Mr. Tendo what are you talking about?" Ranma asked as he eyed the older man incredulously. He already didn't like the direction this conversation was going in.

"In order to claim the rest of my inheritance the eldest daughter must be the first to be wed. Kasumi, I humbly request that you accept the engagement on behalf of the Tendo family," Soun stated with a hint of finality lacing his words as Nabiki simply shook her head.

While she knew that it might come down to this, she was still surprised that her father decided to step up the occasion but rely on others to do it for him. She still didn't understand why he decided to stop teaching classes, aside from the pee-wee sessions in the morning, but even she had started to get over their mother's death. Granted it was hard, and it took quite a bit of detachment on her part, but life went on.

"Tendo are you sure about this?" Saotome whispered to his friend as he eyed the shocked expression on Ranma, Akane, and Kasumi's faces. While he didn't mind switching the engagement if that's what his friend thought was best, he didn't like the pained look in Kasumi's eyes.

"This must be done Saotome, I have no choice. Without obtaining the money soon I won't be able to support my family." Soun stated with deep sigh as finished the rest of his tea and waited for eldest Tendo's response.

'What a copout,' Nabiki thought to herself with a scowl as she listened to her fathers words and felt her disgust growing. 'So he's going to have Kasumi sacrifice her happiness just because he's incapable of actually becoming and instructor again without breaking down and crying. Whatever…at least it isn't me I suppose,' Nabiki continued to think to herself as Kasumi opened her mouth to speak again.

"I…I accept?" Kasumi offered weakly as her trademark smile found its way onto her lips, but seemed far more forced than before.

"Wonderful!" Soun exclaimed with tears of joy streaming from of his eyes before he was cut off by a low growl.

"What do you mean wonderful!?" Akane snapped as she glared daggers into her father who began to chuckle nervously in response. "How could you do that to Kasumi! You know that she doesn't think of Ranma like that. How could you just take him away from me and give him to her!" Akane snapped before she realized the implications of her last statement.

Needless to say even Ranma didn't miss, and spat out his tea in response which effectively soaked his father and trigger his transformation into Genma-panda.

"Akane," Ranma all but whispered as he looked up the furiously blushing tomboy who could do nothing but stare down at her feet.

'Did I really just say that?' She wondered to herself in disbelief as she tried to recall whatever might have brought forth the kind of emotion from her. Granted she always knew she had feelings for the cocky martial artist, but she never thought she would vocalize it in front of everyone like she had just done.

"I'm sorry Akane," Soun stated in a somber tone, effectively snapping the navy blue haired girl out of her thoughts. "This must be done however," Soun stated with hint of finality in his tone, and for a moment remind his daughters of the once stern and honorable man they had once believed he was. "Thank you Kasumi and congratulations, now if you'll excuse me I think I'll retire for the night."

Looking over toward Kasumi, Ranma noticed that her once twinkling eyes seemed dull and without a trace of luminosity. He also noticed that her smile faltered once more, if only for a fraction of a second. While he wasn't a genius Ranma knew that Kasumi clearly didn't want to marry him, and to be honest, while he did find her attractive on some level, he didn't want to marry her either. She was like a big sister or mother figure to him, and he was pretty sure she felt the same way about him.

Taking in a deep breath he debated whether or not to speak up. On the one hand he could possibly rescue Kasumi from a wanted engagement, but at the same time it might cost him his honor. While Kasumi was one of the few people he actually felt indebted to and cared a great deal about, but his honor was one of the things that he cherished more than anything. Could he really forsake such a key part of himself, or would he subject Kasumi to a life that neither of them wanted.

"Oh yes, congratulations on your job as well Ranma-kun," Soun stated with a warm smile as he headed out of the room.

'Well it's now or never,' Ranma thought to himself as beads of sweat started to form on his brow. His internal debate was still waging on, but he had to make a decision quick, so against his better judgment he stole one last glance toward Kasumi he was smiling at him warmly, even though he could tell that it was clearly forced.

Gazing upon her warm features, and seeing the heart break in her eyes he knew what decision he had come to. No matter what he wouldn't hurt her, no matter what the cost.

"Hold it!" Ranma snapped as he directed a hard stare at his father and Mr. Tendo, who stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face the pigtailed boy. With an audible gulp Ranma pressed on as everyone focused their attention on him, clearly puzzled.

"I, Ranma Saotome, **do not** accept the engagement to Kasumi Tendo!" he bellowed in a tone that should have left no room for argument, however everyone knew that the two men before him wouldn't settle for that.

"What do you mean you fool boy!?" Genma snapped as he pushed his spectacles back onto his nose and glared at his son. "You will accept! It is a matter of honor!"

"Listen to your father Ranma, this is for the best. The schools must be joined, and it is your fault that we've run through as much of my inheritance as we have," Soun stated as he leveled an even look at the raven haired teen, who gritted his teeth in response.

'How could they say that it's all my fault!? All of the times I put my life on the line to protect them!? Doesn't that mean anything to them!?' Ranma thought to himself as he gritted his teeth and balled up his fist until his knuckles turned white. It was already hard enough, forsaking his honor, and the two men before him weren't making it any easier. However, he would be damned if he let the one person who truly deserved happiness to suffer.

Taking one more deep breath to steady his nerves Ranma leveled a glare at his father and Mr. Tendo. "I said no, and that's final. I don't care about my h-h-h-honor, I'm not marrying Kasumi!" Ranma snapped as he shot up from the table and glared down at his father. "I never agreed to any of this, so, so, this is your honor that's on the line!" Ranma snapped again as he looked over toward Kasumi who had a relieved and thankful, if not slightly pained, look in her eyes.

She apparently knew what Ranma was doing, and while she was indebted to him she knew that the situation was not going to end well. 'Ranma, thank you…so much,' she thought to herself as she flashed him a warm smile

When she smiled at him Ranma knew that she understood how much it pained him to go through with what he was doing. Her smile also gave him the strength to press on. For once in his life Ranma Saotome finally needed the aid of another, if only this once.

"What!? Kasumi isn't good enough for you or something!?" Akane snapped, clearly not understanding what was going on and allowing her pent up rage to control her rational judgment. "You pervert! Why don't you go and stay with one of those other bimbos then!?" Akane snapped as she moved to retrieve her mallet from out of nowhere.

However, before she could lash out she was cut off by Nabiki leaping in front of her.

"N-N-N-Nabiki!? What are you doing!?" Akane exclaimed as her sister gave her a stern glare and shook her head.

'I didn't think you had it in you Saotome,' the middle Tendo thought to herself with small smile finding it's way onto her lips as she signaled for Akane to put the mallet down. 'I suppose I had you pegged wrong, hehe, how surprising,' she continued to think to herself as she sat back down and watched the scene play out before her. If all went well, none of them would have to marry Ranma and they would be free to choose. Of course she also thought that it might also finally bring her little sister and the hot head martial artist together.

However, Nabiki Tendo couldn't be more wrong.

"Get out," Soun mumbled in low tone which caused collective gasp to be emitted from everyone gathered, even Nabiki who nearly spit out her tea.

"Daddy!" Kasumi exclaimed in shock and horror as she eyed her father with a look of complete disbelief.

"Daddy you don't mean that!" Nabiki exclaimed as well as she leveled a disapproving glare at her father. Things were not supposed to go in THIS direction, and how dare her father not act like a sniveling coward?

"Daddy," Akane responded weakly as she shook her head in disbelief and looked up at her father with pleading eyes. While she would never admit it openly, the thought of losing Ranma actually struck her incredibly hard. While she could hardly believe it at first herself, she couldn't deny that she had felt that way for a long time. She had become attached to the boy, maybe not in love with him, but she thought there was definitely a possibility when they were a little older.

'This isn't fair,' Akane thought to herself as she continued to shake her head in disbelief.

"Tendo, I'm sure I can convince the boy, just give me a moment. There's no reason to be so rash," Genma pleaded as his long time friend shook his head.

"You heard the boy, he's forsaken his honor. There's nothing we can do, and if that's the case there is no reason I can see to keep a liability around the house. Without the rest of the inheritance being unavailable there's no way we can afford to keep him here with all of the enemies he has. This is the only way; I WILL not have my children fighting with me on this, and that is final!" Soun snapped as his once rebellious daughters were reminded of the man he once was, unfortunately there mother was no longer there to try to talk some sense into him.

The three Tendo daughters cast sorrowful glances toward Ranma's direction as the young man 'tch'ed in response.

"That's the way you want, fine by me. Never agree to none of this anyway," he muttered through gritted teeth as he calmly strode out of the room.

"Boy where are you going!" Genma cried out as he started to leap up from the table.

"To pack!" Ranma called back as he headed up the stairs.

"That fool son of mine," Genma muttered through gritted teeth as he stomped out of the room. "Please old friend, give me a minute to talk some sense into him," Genma called back as he stomped up the stairs.

Meanwhile the Tendo girls refused to look at their father in the eye.

"This has to be done," Soun stated regretfully as he exited the room leaving the girls alone with their thoughts.

'Damn it,' Nabiki thought to herself as slammed a fist on the table. 'I haven't gotten this worked up since mom died, and I promised I would never again. Damn you, you cocky muscle bound bastard. How did you get me to feel this way about you?' Nabiki thought to herself with a scowl as she fought the urge to cry. How could things have gone so wrong for her? This wasn't in the plan, he wasn't meant to leave. She was the Ice Queen, everything she did was calculated to perfection, so how was she supposed to calculate her father growing a spine all of a sudden?

The answer was, of course, that she wasn't. There was no way she could have prepared for this.

"Ranma, I'm sorry," Kasumi whispered to no one in particular as she stared down at her lap as tears threatened to form in her eyes. While she was thankful that the engagement had been annulled, she didn't think it would come to this. Had she known she would have rather married the boy then to have him kicked out onto the street. Now it was too late and there was nothing she could do, but accept it.

Meanwhile Akane simply sat in silence on the patio as she gazed up at the full moon and wondered when things started to go so wrong. Now she finally regretted all the times that she had pounded him…well maybe not all of them, but a few. Besides, he was supposed to be hers she thought to herself as she looked down at the koi pond and allowed the tears to flow freely from her eyes.

Not only had she lost her mother, but now she was about to lose the boy she cared so much about. It was almost unbearable.

However, everyone was soon snapped out of their thoughts as a loud pain filled cry could be heard from upstairs.

"GAHHHH!" Genma cried out as he tumbled down the stairs and landed in a heap. He was battered and bloody, but still conscious as his son calmly strode past him cracking his knuckles.

"Well I'm outta here," Ranma said nonchalantly. "By the way, thanks for dinner Kasumi. The food was great," he said with his usual cocky smile set into place as he grabbed up a black duffle bag and headed toward the door.

"Ranma wait!" Nabiki called out as she ran up to the young man while digging something out of her skirt pocket.

"Huh?" Ranma questioned as the brown haired young woman slapped a wad of money into his hand.

"Forget about the damage, and here's some of the profit from the pictures that I sold of you in the sexy bunny outfit," Nabiki said as Ranma stared at her, clearly too shocked for words.

"What's this all about?" he questioned blankly as he scratched his head in confusion.

"Don't make me regret this Saotome, just take it before I change my mind," Nabiki replied as she stared down at the money and fought the urge to snatch it out of the boys hand.

Ranma looked puzzled for a few more seconds before he smiled warmly at the middle Tendo. "Thanks Nab's," he said as slipped on his kung fu shoes and headed toward the door. "I guess I'll be seein' ya, later Akane. Don't into too much trouble, cause it might take me awhile to find ya' and all," Ranma said as he flashed the blue haired girl a cocky smile and headed out the door.

"Ranma no baka," Akane responded weakly as she smiled at the door and shook her head solemnly.

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"Now arriving the 767 to F City, F Prefecture, please stand being the red line," the automated voice of the inner com stated as Ranma stood alone on the platform waiting for the bullet train to arrive. The station itself was pretty dirty with garbage left over from fast food meals and other such debris scattered everywhere. There were also several of the overhead lights kept flickering in and out, but none of this really bothered the raven haired martial artist as he waited for the train to arrive.

A cool breeze suddenly whipped through and the martial artist suddenly regretted not putting on something other than his usual sleeveless red Chinese shirt and black kung fu pants. Despite the intense training he had undergone, cold was still cold and hot was still hot.

"Damn train, if it doesn't hurry up I'm going to have to jump the roofs all the way there," Ranma muttered to himself just before he heard the horn of the train approaching. "Right on time," Ranma stated with a grin as the train came to a stop in front of him and the automatic doors slid open with a futuristic hiss.

Boarding the train Ranma noticed that he was, once again, all alone as he took a seat, threw his duffle bag on the overhead railing, and waited for the train to depart for F City.

"I'm surprised that no one tried to attack me yet, but I guess I should be happy about that," Ranma said to himself as looked around his sterile surroundings and noted that someone had actually bothered to clean the train for once. The metallic bars wear shining, the black and white floor was spotless, and even the seats looked a lot cleaner then they usually did. Maybe this was a good omen after all.

"767 now departing, next stop F City," the inner com aboard the train buzzed as the doors slid shut and the train started to move once again.

"Well I guess I'll get some sleep," Ranma said to himself as he closed his eyes. 'No point in staying awake for a borin' train ride, besides I've got work tomorrow,' he thought to himself as he allowed his mind and body to fall into a fitful slumber.

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"CRSHHHH."

"Uh, huh, wha?" Ranma questioned as he slowly opened his eyes only to be bombarded by the intense light of the florescent bulbs above him.

"Now arriving at F City, F Prefecture. This is the end of the line and this train will be going out of service shortly. Please collect your belongings and exit the train," the dispassionate voice of the inner com rang out as the raven haired teen stretched out his muscles and collected his duffle bag from the overhead rack.

"Well then, here goes nothing," he yawned out as he fished out the sheet of paper the woman had given him from his pocket and stepped off the train. "Let's see, so all I have to do is head about three blocks south, and one block west. Simple enough," Ranma mumbled to himself as his stomach gurgled.

"First I guess I'll get something to eat though," he said to himself as he frowned down at his growling abdomen. It had only been about five hours since he left the Tendo's, so he should have at least been set for another hour. However, when it came down to cries of hunger Ranma answered the call punctually.

"Let's see, that place over there doesn't look too bad," he mumbled to himself as he spotted a small eatery on the other side of the station. It was humble enough, what you might expect of a diner, with a glowing red and blue neon sign that read "Cheech and Chong's". Bounding a top the roof of the station Ranma quickly made his way across the streetlight lit empty street and into the restaurant.

Once inside he was bombarded by several different smokes and smells ranging from on he knew must have been marijuana and the other some kind of hallucinogenic mushroom being baked in the back. Needless to say he was a little out of it from that point on.

"Wow, hehe, I didn't think I was this hungry," he chuckled out as he took a seat at one of the blue and red bar stools, nearly falling off three times, and waited for someone to come by and take his order. Within a few minutes a young woman came bounding by, seemingly full of wasteful energy.

Her hair was long, blonde, and wrapped in a lose pigtail that reached down to the small of her back. Her eyes were a deep shade of green, almost emerald, and her face had a sort of child like angelic quality to it. As for her attire, she was currently donning what might have been a red and blue striped mini-skirt, if there was even enough fabric to call it that, which did nothing but display her toned legs and a short sleeve red and blue button up shirt that hugged her curvy waist and ample bosom.

"HI! Can I take your order!?" she inquired, once again being wastefully energetic as she began to write several things on her note pad without Ranma even having opened his mouth.

"Hehe, what do ya', haha, reco, BWAHAHAHA, recommend?" Ranma inquired with tears flowing out of his eyes as he continued to laugh uncontrollably.

"Well lets see the "Special" brownies are pretty good for dessert, the "Trippin' Tacos" are pretty good, the "Cheech-and-Chang"a is really good, the "Acid Mushroom" parfait is excellent, the regular Mary J (marijuana for those of you who didn't know) is great, and we've got a few other things."

"AlthoughIwouldsuggestthatyoustayawayfromtheCheechandChongspecialblendbecauseoneguyjustdiedfromitafewhoursago,andthenthereis," the young woman continued to ramble on as Ranma stared up at her for a moment and wonder just how fast and how long she could talk, although he did have to admit that subconsciously he thought she was rather attractive.

"You know you're really, hehe, pretty," Ranma chuckled out, effectively silencing the young woman before him as eyed him as though he had grown a second head.

"No you see here! I know they say the customer's always right, you're good looking yourself, and all that other meaningless stuff. However only one person can call me pretty and that's Il palazzo-sama, you got that buster!" the young woman growled out as she lifted Ranma out of his seat by his shirt collar and glared at him.

"Uh, hehe, you're strong, not as strong as me, but you're strong," Ranma chuckled out once again, "Oh! And I want the Cheech-and-changa."

"Comin' right up," the young woman deadpanned as dropped Ranma back into his seat with a thud and headed back into the kitchen. Within seconds she reappeared with his order and placed it in front of him before the sound of a cell phone ringing sounded throughout the establishment.

"Il palazzo-sama!" the young woman exclaimed joyously as she pulled a sleek black cell phone out from between her bosom and flipped it open. "Hi sir…uh huh, right, uh huh, righ, uh huh, right uh huh, right right, uh huh…yes I will stop interrupting you by saying unnecessary uh huh's and rights...okay I'm on my way!" the blonde exclaimed as she snapped her cell phone shut and threw down her note pad and pen.

"Well then, time to procure some funds for all of my hard work and get the heck out of here!" she exclaimed as she opened the cash register and emptied it's contents into a giant brown bag that she had pulled out of thin air. "Wow, I'm really going to miss the smell of the highest grade marijuana in the world every morning…ah well, life goes on!" she exclaimed as she leapt over the counter, full of wasteful energy, and headed toward the door.

"Good thing I used my fake name, Slammin' Flowerchild, on my application. They'll never be able to find me, and you're probably too high to really hear what I'm saying so it's not like you'll remember any of this!" she said more to herself than anyone present as she bound out the door and down the street.

"Well that was weird," Ranma muttered to himself as the effects of the smoke started to die down a bit. After a second he simply shrugged it off, living in Nermia for the past couple of years as well as traveling with his father had taught him there was always something more bizarre around the corner. In fact a crazed robber named Slammin' Flowerchild was pretty normal at this point, aside from the fact that it sounded like a pro-wrestlers name.

After woofing down his meal at near light speed he debated on whether or not to actually pay for the meal, but ultimately decided he might need the money later on so he left without paying. He then followed the directions on the sheet of paper and headed down an empty alleyway with an open manhole that more than likely shouldn't have been there.

"Is this the place?" Ranma mumbled to himself as he started to sober up. He then looked at all the neon signs adoring the walls which read "ACROSS secret headquarters. Enter here, stoopid".

"Yeah, this must be the place," Ranma deadpanned as he jumped down the manhole only to find himself slipping a sliding down a tube like something one might find at a water park. "What the heck is this!?" he exclaimed as he went in an out of loops, flew over missing sections of the tube, and narrowly avoided getting his head taken off by a low hanging sign which read "3 more miles".

After a few more miles he finally flew out of the tunnel, graceful landing on his feet, and stood before a large throne in a rather empty looking room. There were several granite pillars adoring the expansive hall, and the floor seemed to be made of a well polished marble. The throne before him was also very large a regal, adorned in red and silver, with maroon and red curtains hanging elaborately in the backdrop.

However, what really caught Ranma's attention was the man staring straight at him…and snoring like there was no tomorrow.

"Wow, granted it is kinda late but should he really be sleeping in a place like this?" Ranma wondered as he took a step toward the throne. The man, who had long silver hair which extended down to the small of his back and wore a bizarre grey head ornament, like a forehead protector of some sort, continued to sleep as Ranma approached the throne cautiously.

"I guess he thought sleeping with his eyes open would scare off unwanted visitors, but with the way he's snorin' there's no way anyone would be fooled," Ranma continued as he noticed that the man before him was currently donning a small pair of circular glasses that sat on the edge of his pointed nose. He had a regal air about him that was unmistakable, and his amber eyes were rather bizarre. His style of dress consisted of a long flowing light blue, almost white, and black cape, large navy blue shoulder plates that reached around his neck, a long sleeve black shirt, which resembled a navy uniform jacket, with a gold stripe running down the middle, and matching pants.

"I wonder," Ranma thought to himself as he continued to step forward with a devious smirk on his face while he pulled out a black magic marker from out of nowhere and removed the cap. However, before he could act on his insidious plan there was a loud cry from above him which caused him to pause and look up just in time for a torrent of water to splashing down on him, followed by an enormous amount of weight which nearly knocked him, now officially a her, unconscious.

"HAIL IL PALAZZO-SAMA!" the weight on top of Ranma-chan cried out joyously. "I thoroughly enjoyed my trip through the sewer water sir, and the crocodile was a very nice touch!" the weight exclaimed as Ranma-chan noticed a set of crocodile skin purses drop onto the ground beside her.

"Mrmph, huh, what!?" Ranma-chan heard the man atop the throne wake up with a start, but tried to play it off as if he were awake the entire time. "Oh, Excel-kun you've finally arrived. I hope you have a good reason for the delay," a male voice deadpanned from atop the throne.

"Yes Il Palazzo-sama, I Excel have an excellent excuse for why I was late but please forgive for I shall drop down the hole as many times as you wish to make up for my tardiness!" the mass atop Ranma-chan exclaimed again.

"Yes, I'm sure you will," Il Palazzo stated as the sound of something mechanical being dropped down for the ceiling started. "However, I think my new subordinate has arrived," the man deadpanned again

"A NEW SUBORDINATE! Huh? Where is she!?" the mass atop Ranma-chan questioned energetically as it started to bounce up and down on top of her.

"You stupid ditz!" Ranma-chan grunted out as she gritted her teeth in annoyance before picking up the girl on top of her and flinging her off into the distance. However it was also at this moment that she was finally able to get a good look at her, and she noticed it was the exact same waitress who had just robbed the restaurant except for the fact that her clothing was different. Instead of her revealing work outfit she instead wore a small turquoise jacket with large pointed sleeves, which resembled shoulder plates, a forest green low-cut t-shirt, and a pair of turquoise short shorts which barely covered the top half of her thigh.

"Ah, impressive. It's been awhile since I've seen Excel-kun fly that far," the man atop the throne stated with a hint of wonderment in his otherwise monotone voice. After clearing his throat he then redirected the conversation back toward Ranma-chan.

"So you must be the one HQ informed me about. Do you have the letter?" Il Palazzo inquired as Ranma-chan's eyes widened and he scrambled to retrieve the letter.

"Uh, here we go!" Ranma-chan exclaimed as she extracted the letter from her kung fu pants and handed it to the silver haired man.

"Very good, well then what is your code name?" Il Palazzo questioned as he read the letter over before nodding in conformation.

"Uh, code name?" Ranma-chan muttered to herself in confusion as she tried to come up with one quickly. 'Why not go for an old favorite?' she thought to herself with a smirk once she remembered that she had a name just for such occasions.

"Ranko," Ranma-chan stated simply as Il Palazzo simply nodded.

"Very well then Ranko-kun, you will be working with your superior Excel once she finds her way back here. It seems I forgot to turn on the lights on the other side of the lair," Il Palazzo muttered to himself as he turned toward the direction Excel had flown in.

"Um, okay, but I was just wondering…how much does this job pay?" Ranma-chan inquired as Il Palazzo cocked an eyebrow seemingly surprised before he brought up a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat.

"Nothing," Il Palazzo stated flatly as Ranma-chan face faulted.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING!?" Ranma-chan snapped in confusion and blind rage as she prepared to pummel the man sitting on the throne before her. Had she known that she would be working for free she might have actually considered marrying Kasumi.

"He means that ACROSS only has the funding by which to proceed with our lord's plans/experiments to take over this city. Anything else is up to us to provide, so working this job and a part-time job are necessary if you want to eat. Don't worry though, I have emergency rations at my place just incase it takes awhile for us to find employment," Excel stated as she suddenly popped up right behind Ranma-chan causing the red head to yelp in shock.

'How did she?' Ranma-chan thought to herself with wide eyes for a moment before she remembered what she just heard. "Well since I'm not getting' paid I'm outta here," Ranma-chan stated as she started to stomp off in huff, and completely ignored the floored expression on Excel's face.

"You cannot, now that you have been privy, hehe privy, to my plans I can no longer allow you to quit or leave," Il Palazzo stated as he stood up from his throne and stared down at Ranma-chan over his small round frames which sat on the bridge of his nose making him look intimidating.

"Let me guess, you're trying to look intimidating. Well let me tell ya', this guy named Mousse was a whole lot more intimidating than you are. Anyway, I don't care what your rules are. No pay, no stay," Ranma-chan stated with a snarl as she whipped around and started out the chamber once again.

"Um, ya' know I wouldn't do that," Excel began before she felt a powerful gust of wind whip up from behind her causing her blond locks to blow wildly in the up draft. "Too late," she deadpanned as she watched a figure suddenly appear in front of Ranma-chan who yelped and jumped back in surprise.

"As I just told you, I cannot allow you to leave. I do suggest that you accept the terms, for once we have completed our mission you will get more than fair share. Excel-kun on the other hand will more than likely be demoted to latrine duty," Il Palazzo deadpanned as Excel squawked indignantly from behind the pair.

"Look, I don't care what your plan is so just get outta my way!" Ranma-chan snapped, having finally become annoyed, and lashed out with a lighting quick kick. However, much to her surprise, it was easily caught in the man's gloved hand.

"What the heck!?" Ranma-chan cried out in confusion as she lashed out with a punch that was also easily caught and deflected.

"Give up, you cannot win. You're not strong enough to defeat me," Il Palazzo stated began to squeeze Ranma-chan's appendages to the point where they could both hear the bones start to pop and crack causing the red head to grunt in pain.

"Like hell I will!" Ranma-chan snapped through gritted teeth as the fires of rage burned in her royal blue eyes. She then twisted both her leg and hand out of the man's grip before back flipping away to get some distance between them. 'I can't underestimate this guy, he's no pushover. I guess I'll have to go all out with him. If only I wasn't a girl right now, this would be easy,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a snarl as she got into an offensive stance and glared at Il Palazzo who continued to stare at her with the same dispassionate expression.

"TAKE THIS! DOUBLE MOKO TAKABISHA!" Ranma-chan snapped as the giant bright red ki attack erupted from her hands and hurtled toward the silver haired man who simply continued to stare on as if he was bored. 'Ha, what idiot doesn't even try to dodge?' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a smirk as she didn't sense her opponent preparing to dodge or even block her attack.

As predicted the blast hit their intended target enshrouding it in thick black and grey smoke. 'Guess this is my win,' Ranma-chan thought, her cocky smirk finding it's way onto her lips as she heard Excel gasp in shock from behind her. 'Well then time to get out of here before he recovers,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she took a step forward only to feel a sudden updraft of powerful wind whip up and send her slamming into a pillar effectively embedding her in it.

"W-W-What the heck!?" Ranma-chan exclaimed in shock and confusion as she tried to discern where the attack had come from. However, her question was soon answered as Il Palazzo calmly stepped out of the smoke, his clothing not even slightly charred and his person as immaculate as it was before the attack.

'There's no way! My attack didn't do anything!?' Ranma-chan thought to herself with wide eyes and her mouth agape as the man continued to step toward her.

"I must say, that was quite impressive and you do have the potential to be an excellent agent. However, I will kill you if you try to quit," Il Palazzo stated calmly as he continued to stride toward the snarling teen.

'Damn, I'm not going to be beat by this guy!' Ranma-chan internally snapped as she sprang out of the hole in the wall and charged the silver haired man who continued to step forward. "HA!" Ranma-chan snapped as she lashed out with a series of lighting quick kicks followed by her patented Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken. However, she soon found her attacks either parried, or seemingly narrowly dodged as they missed their target by mere centimeters. Even her Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken was ineffective as Il Palazzo simply deflected her blows with only one of his hands.

"DAMN IT!" Ranma-chan snapped in frustration, anger, and confusion. She had never faced an opponent like this before, and for once she realized that victory might not be an option. In fact she knew if the fight kept going on as it was she would definitely lose.

'I need to focus! I've got one shot at this so I've got to make it count. I've got to clear my mind and focus,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she back flipped and landed a few meters away from Il Palazzo, who only looked slightly bored. Forcing herself to ignore the bored expression on the man's face Ranma-chan focused on negating her emotions and initiating the Soul of Ice. This was her last chance at finishing the battle and being victorious, so no mistakes could be made.

"THIS IS IT! HIRYOU SHOUTEN HA!" Ranma-chan cried out as she the cold energy began to whip up around the pair. 'This is it, I can do this!' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she prepared to lash out at Il Palazzo, but before she could even move her foot the attack was immediately dispelled leaving her shocked, and confused.

"Interesting," Il Palazzo commented with a small smile as he lowered a gloved hand and smiled at Ranma-chan who could only stared at him shocked. "Anyway, as you can see you don't stand a chance. Work for us and you shall be rewarded when we take over this city. ACROSS could use an agent like you, so do you still refuse?" Il Palazzo questioned as he heard Excel mutter something about wanting to be praised too.

'Nothing worked! He even cancelled the Hiryou Shouten Ha!' Ranma-chan thought to herself, clearly horrified as she slumped down onto her knees defeated. Today had simply just not been her day. First she lost her honor, and now she lost a fight, so she was sure things couldn't get any worse.

"Ye," Ranma-chan began before she actually thought about what she was going to say. 'What am I thinking, I've already forsaken my honor and I do need this job…damn, maybe I should have just married Kasumi. Especially if I knew things were going to turn out like this. There's no way I can beat this guy in a fight, at least not right now, so I've got no choice but to go along with it,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a scowl.

"Never mind, I'll do it" the red head stated as she waved a hand dismissively.

"Very well, in that case you will be staying with Excel-kun in her apartment," Il Palazzo stated before he was cut off by another indignant squawk. 'This is getting quite annoying,' the Overlord thought to himself with a slight frown forming on his otherwise emotionless face, while he subconsciously reached for the rope to his side that would send both Excel and Ranko plummeting down a hole.

"I can't stay with a girl!" Ranma-chan exclaimed with a look of pure horror on her face.

"And why not? You're both women aren't you, especially since I don't hire any men," Il Palazzo stated as Ranma-chan grew pale.

"What do you mean?" she questioned in disbelief. There was no way she could afford to lose this job now.

"Well with my attitude towards women, especially Excel-kun, there is a troublesome rumor floating about that I might prefer same sex relations. To remedy this I have decided to become the biggest 'pimp' in our organization and will only hire women to disprove those rumors. If in fact a man does some how penetrate my ranks he will be dealt with immediately, and I can guarantee he will not be reporting back to HQ…ever again," Il Palazzo stated with a tired sigh. He really wanted to get back to sleep and the constant questions were beginning to grate on his nerves.

"Um, okay," Ranma-chan stated with a roll of her eyes and started to sweat slightly. 'Well there's no way out of this one right now. I guess I'll just have to change back when she's not around; otherwise I'm stuck in my female form for right now. I never thought I'd even think this, but I guess I'll have to avoid hot water…and something tells me this won't end well,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a frown as she considered the implications of being stuck in her female form.

"Well then, your uniform will be delivered to Excel-kun's apartment tomorrow. You are both dismissed now," Il Palazzo stated as he yanked the rope next to his head and sent a surprised Ranma-chan and a saluting Excel plummeting down the pit.

"Now, to pick up where I left off with the fluffy bunnies," Il Palazzo stated as he teleported back onto his throne and began to snore almost immediately.

**To Be Continued**

Author's Notes: Okay, so I know at times some of the characters might have seemed a bit OOC. For that I apologize, but I guarantee that seriousness within in this fic. will be rare and only used when needed. Other than that, I will try to make it as funny as the original works, and I will definitely try to keep the characters in character better. Anyway, I hope anyone who made it past the first couple of paragraphs liked the story, and I'll try to continue when I've gotten more free time.

Also, as always, please review and feel free to flame if it sucks!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or Excel Saga

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or Excel Saga. They are the works of Rumiko Takahashi, and Koushi Rikudou the respective copyright holders and creators.

Author's Note: WDTDR (Where Does the Darkness Reside) was my former pen name just incase anyone was wondering where the Mini-Series villain came from…as far as where the plot is going…well that's a secret.

_**Mini-Series: Nabeshin and Rikudou vs. WDTDR!**_

"Just a little further," a man donning a pink/red blazer, royale blue dress shirt, banana yellow tie, and khaki pants muttered to himself as he crawled through a tight air duct with only the flame from his sterling silver lighter to light his way.

"To think that bastard thought he could get away with something so ballsy! These fan fiction writers have gone too far, but he has got to be the worst! NO ONE CLAIMS WORK THAT ISN'T THEIR OWN FOR PROFIT! ESPECIALLY NOT SOMETHING I'M MAKING MONEY OFF OF!" the man bellowed as his giant globe shaped brown afro shook with his gyrations.

"SHHHH! He'll hear you, Nabeshin!" another man donning a forest green dress shirt with the selves rolled up, a white t-shirt, and a pair of worn and faded blue jeans stated from behind the first. His messy brown hair nearly obscured his square face from view and his oversized rectangular glasses gave him the appearance of an otaku.

"Shut up Rikudou! Do you have any idea of what will happen if he actually manages to succeed!? There will be pandemonium! Fan fiction writers will be claiming characters and works as their own all of the time! Can you imagine what the world would be like if every Ranma ½ fan fiction was published as an original work!?" Nabeshin exclaimed as Rikudou shivered at the thought before they came upon an air vent which a small shimmer of light filtered through. "Here we are, let's handle this quickly," Nabeshin muttered to himself as struggled to reach his arm into his blazer pocket.

"This damn air duct is too tight!" he snapped in frustration as pulled his hand back and stared down through the grates into the room. Looking down all he could see was a single white gem on an onyx pedestal, which appeared to be where the light was being emitted from, and an onyx throne adorned with various ancient carvings from early civilizations.

"Are you ready Rikudou?" Nabeshin questioned as he heard the man behind him grunt affirmatively. "Alright, let's do this," the afro man muttered to himself.

"SLAM! BAM!"

"Alright!" Nabeshin muttered to himself as he landed on the marble floor of the near pitch black room with a loud echo. Quickly moving to the side he narrowly avoided Rikudou who leapt down right after him.

"Where Does the Darkness Reside! We're here to make you pay for copyright infringement and claiming both the Excel Saga characters and Ranma ½ characters as your own property! Come on out, we know you're here!" Nabeshin bellowed as he whipped sterling silver Beretta out of his blazer pocket and cocked back the hammer. Looking around the room Nabeshin noted that aside from the small area the jewel lit up everything in the room was completely pitch black.

"_So you've finally come have you? However I do not see Takahashi-senpai…how disappointing. At first I thought this might be a challenge, but the two of you alone are nothing more than a nuisance to me."_

"Rikudou, where's that coming from!?" Nabeshin snapped as his counter part retrieved his own sterling silver Beretta out from behind his back.

"I don't know, I can't see a thing!" Rikudou exclaimed as he and Nabeshin pressed their backs together in an attempt not to be caught from behind.

"Put your glasses on you blind bat!" Nabeshin snapped as the two men began to turn while director lit his lighter again.

"They are on!" Rikudou snapped back.

"_My, my, are you two still arguing like children? How sad."_

"Director there he is!" Rikudou snapped as a figure suddenly appeared atop the throne.

"What is that!?" Nabeshin snapped as he turned around to face a figure donning a long elegant black cloak with a hood with which it hid its face behind. Its body seemed to be wrapped in silver and platinum chains which glistened in the light produced by Nabeshin's lighter and the gem. Behind its back was a giant round object wrapped in canvas by a brown rope.

"_So you've come to make me pay for copyright infringement, have you? Well unfortunately I do not have the time to waste on you gentlemen. Please excuse me, but I have to give my permission to make Excel Saga an epic crossover with Ranma ½. However, I do invite you to "play" with an associate of mine. Perhaps you may recognize him from years past, but his works never really got off the ground, so perhaps not. Either way, I'm sure my alter and deceased ego, Bad Guy, should be more then enough to entertain you!" _a disembodied voice stated as it began to laugh manically and the figure before Nabshin and Rikudou fazed out like an apparition.

"WAIT! ONLY I CAN GIVE PERMISSION TO MAKE EXCEL SAGA ANYTHING!" Rikudou cried out, but it was too late because the figure had already gone.

"_**Hehe, let's play a game! I want to play a game! How about we play…KILL THE ORIGINAL CREATOR!"**_ a sadistic child's voice snapped before it began to laugh manically.

"Get it together Rikudou! This is going to get nasty quick!" Nabeshin snapped as he felt a cool breeze whipped through the air.

"Right, I'll kill that thieving bastard later!" Rikudou snapped back as the watched the gem in the center of the room begin to crack forming spider web like fractures. Suddenly it exploded into thousands of tiny pieces as a bright white light exploded out of the pedestal blinding the two men.

"Damn that's bright," Nabeshin muttered to himself as light started to die down and both men slowly opened their eyes to see another mysterious figure standing before them. It looked to be a child donning a majestic white cloak which seemed to have an ethereal glow about it. From under the hood they could see long strands of jet black wavy hair wrapped around a slightly chubby child like face. The face seemed to have an angelic like quality to it, with full pouty snow white lips that formed into a sadistic smile which seemed strangely sweet. Rouge coloured skin shown from underneath the hood as the figure flashed the two men a sadistic smile with its ivory teeth. On its back was a giant round object which was similar to the one Where Does the Darkness Reside carried, but it had far more protrusions which looked like giant spikes.

"_**Let's play,"**_ the child like figure whispered as the tarp wrapped around the object mysteriously fell away to reveal a giant crescent shaped platinum blade with spikes that dripped some kind of liquid. It wasn't until a droplet of the liquid hit the ground and sizzled that the two men realized that it was acid.

"This is going to take a while," Nabeshin deadpanned as he slanted his eyes and took aim at the smirking deceased fan fiction author ego.

**Ranma Saga**

**Chapter 2: Agent Hyatt's Arrival!**

"MENCHI I'M HOME!"

At the sound of the ear piercing shriek a small albino puppy visibly shivered and bolted off to cower in a corner within a three room apartment. While the puppy knew it was impossible to hide in the dinky main room, mainly due to the fact that there was nothing in the room aside from one decrypted wooden bookshelf, a rolled up futon, and a worn wooden table, she secretly hoped that today of all days her master wouldn't find her.

"Um, who's Menchi?" another female voice questioned as the sound of footsteps entering the house could be heard reverberating through the narrow hallway.

"Oh, just my emergency food ration. MENCHIIIII!" a familiar and horrifying, in Menchi's case, voice called out again as the pup tried to flip up the bookshelf in order to hide underneath it. Unfortunately, try as she might, Menchi couldn't even get it to budge and thus resigned herself to being salivated over if her master had not had anything to eat.

"What do you mean emergency food ration? Granted Menchi does sound like some kind of dish, but the way you're calling out for it it sounds more like a dog's name," the unfamiliar voice commented as a pair of women stepped into the main room. The blonde immediately spotted the shivering albino puppy and gazed upon it with hunger in her eyes and drool running down the side of her mouth.

"There you are Menchi! I hope you got nice and fat while I was gone!" Excel exclaimed as she bounded over to the pup and scooped it up in her arms.

"Um, like I said, what do you mean emergency food rations?" Ranma-chan deadpanned as Excel licked the dogs head over and over again while naming various dishes she could use the poor pup for. "Are you seriously planning on eating your dog!?" Ranma-chan exclaimed wide eyed and in disgust. Granted she had eaten her fair share of bizarre dishes, but she would never ever ever ever ever ever ect. eat a dog! They were far too tough on the teeth…

"What? You don't like dog?" Excel questioned with quizzical expression on her face as she set the puppy down and watched it dart off into the kitchen at light speed. "Don't be in such a rush to be cooked Menchi! I don't know if I want to eat you tonight!" Excel cried out as a small whimper could be heard from the kitchen and seconds later an albino pup could be seen sprinting out the kitchen like it was on fire.

"Riiiight," Ranma-chan drawled as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Anyway, no I don't eat dog," she stated firmly as Excel simply shrugged in response.

"Suit yourself; I guess that just means more for me then. Although I pretty sure after your third day with no food you'll be begging for a bite!" Excel exclaimed as she grabbed the rolled up futon tucked a way in the corner of the room and unrolled it. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. We've got to get some sleep while we can because tomorrow we've got to get up bright and early for our part-time jobs!" Excel stated excitedly as tore off her uniform and revealed a red lace bra and panty set which clung tightly to her toned form.

Ranma-chan immediately whipped her head away as a small trickle of blood made its way out of her nose and down her lip. She wasn't sure how much she was blushing, but due to the heat she was feeling she had to assume she was as red as a tomato. "W-W-W-What part-time job?" the red head questioned as she heard Excel yawn and smack her lips.

"At a fast food joint! Anyway, what's wrong Ranko-chan?" Excel questioned from her futon as she looked up to see the red heads back to her. 'I wonder why she isn't facing me,' the blonde thought to herself with a quizzical expression on her face. She then looked down at her near nude lithe form and frowned. "I-I-Is it that you find my near nude sexy body repulsive!?" Excel exclaimed in horror as Ranma-chan whipped around and shook her head vehemently while keeping her eyes tightly shut. "Then what could it…ohhhhhh! We can share a futon Ranko-chan! I forgot that I didn't have a spare!" Excel stated as the red head suddenly stiffened like a board.

"I-I-I-I don't think that's a good idea," Ranma-chan stuttered out as she started to back away from the frowning blonde. "I think I'll just sleep in the kitchen," Ranma-chan offered as she just about broke off into a sprint.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Excel bellowed as she grabbed the red head by the hand and yanked her down into the futon. "I forgot to pay my heating bill so we were going to have to use body heat to keep warm anyway, so it was either you or Menchi. To be honest Menchi, while full of nutrition, probably wouldn't be as warm," Excel stated as she ripped off Ranma-chan's kung fu shirt and pants practically leaving her in the buff as her braless chest bounced reflexively from the sudden and sharp inertia.

'Holy! She's huge!' Excel thought to herself with a frown as she started down at the stiff red head's voluptuous form. 'She wasn't even wearing a bra and she was that big!?' Excel continued to think to herself as Ranma-chan bolted out of the futon and over to her duffle bag from which she extracted another pair of boxers, the pair she'd been wearing having been ripped off along with her pants, and a white tank top.

"What were you thinking!?" Ranma-chan snapped slipped on the articles just in time before Excel yanked her down again and turned off the lights.

"AH SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE EMBRASSED ABOUT!? YOU'RE HUGE! WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A RACK LIKE THAT!" Excel bellowed as she closed her eyes and began to snore almost immediately.

'It's going to be a long night,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as Excel reflexively mashed her body into the red heads back sending chills up and down Ranma-chan's spine. 'A very very long night,' she thought to herself as a small trickle of blood ran out of her nose and down her pink lips.

--

"WELCOME TO WACKY G'S! Can I take yooour ORDER!" Excel yelled through the inner com causing many of the fast food establishment's patrons to cover their ears and wince.

"Did you have to do that?" Ranma-chan question as she glared at Excel, which was made all the more menacing due to the fact that she had deep dark bags under her eyes. She had hoped that her ice cold shower that morning might have taken some of the edge off the fatigue she felt, but it was to no avail. 'Besides, it's not like I can take a hot shower. Who knows if this ditz would walk in on me or not,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a deep sigh as she watched Excel prepare to yell into the inner com again.

"Of COURSE! Enthusiasm is the corner stone of GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE!" Excel replied, once again yelling into the inner com.

'I'm going to kill her before the day is over, I just know it,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she turned back to her register and exhaled an exasperated sigh. Glancing down at her baggy off white and navy blue polo shirt and too tight khaki pants Ranma-chan wondered how things had gone from bad to worse so quickly. 'I thought having three finances, possibly more, was bad but this definitely takes the cake,' the red head thought to herself as she adjusted her navy blue visor and scanned the fast food eatery once again.

The walls were an off white color with various generic designs adoring them ranging from crude shapes to faces of a blue and white jester, who happened to be the mascot, and various wildlife. The tables were constructed out of recycled plastic, and were off white as well. The tiled floor was also off white and navy blue and the cheap booths and plastic chairs were also navy blue.

"This place sucks," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she once again tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Sparing another glance toward Excel, who was currently bouncing up and down for no reason, Ranma-chan felt a slight twinge of jealousy weasel its way into her. 'I am so buying my own futon before we go home,' the red head thought to herself as she looked over Excel once more. Somehow the blonde had managed to procure a polo that was a little too small for her bust, and a pair of khaki pants that were almost tighter than Ranma-chan's. All in all she looked pretty similar to a striper dressed up in fast food garb, which seemed to garner a majority of the men's attention as they specifically requested for her to take their orders.

"Ah it ain't so bad, and it does pay slightly more than minimum wage. Besides, we could be working a in a grocery store," Excel commented as another patron stepped forward to tell her his order.

Ranma-chan shuddered upon hearing the words 'working' and 'grocery store' in the same sentence. 'Well at least I haven't hit rock bottom yet,' the cobalt blue eyed girl thought to herself as a portly man donning a navy blue business suit stepped forward to her register.

"Hi, welcome to Wacky G's. What do you want?" Ranma-chan deadpanned as the portly man stroked his clean shaven and plump face as if deep in thought.

"Let's see, I think I'll have a number 7 and a number 8…no, no maybe not. Hmmm," the portly man stated as he began to rub his stomach in a circular motion. "What do you recommend?" he asked as Ranma-chan rolled her eyes.

'To be honest, even **I** wouldn't touch any of this crap with a ten foot pole. I can't tell him that though,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a frown before she looked up at the overhead chart and picked a random number. "I'd have to say that the number 3 is pretty good," the red head offered as the portly man simply nodded in response.

"Uh hum, well since you suggested it in that case I'll take the number 9," he replied causing Ranma-chan to face fault.

'That bastard did that on purpose,' she thought to herself as her eyebrow twitched in frustration and a vein protruded out of her forehead. "Of course sir, your order will be ready in a moment," Ranma-chan said through gritted teeth.

"Right, and do you think you could have your friend bring it to me?" the portly man inquired as he handed Ranma-chan his credit card and allowed her to swipe it.

"I'll look into it sir," Ranma-chan replied, once again, through gritted teeth as he handed the man back his card and went to retrieve his order. 'Fat bastard, just for that you're getting something "special" with your fries,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as got some fries out of the deep fryer. Clearing her throat the red head summoned up phlegm from the back of her throat and spat a loogie into the container before going to retrieve the rest of his order.

"Hey Excel you've got-"

"SENPAI!"

"Ahem, Senpai, the gentleman in the blue suit would like you to deliver his order to him."

"Did he say anything about a tip?"

"…No."

"Is that so? Okay…no."

"Okay…Number 9 with a side of fries!" Ranma-chan yelled as he placed the order on the receiving end of the silver counter top and walked off.

"I wanted it to be-" the portly man started as he walked up to the counter before he was cut off.

"You givin' up a tip?" Ranma-chan questioned flatly as the portly man looked shocked for a moment and then simply nodded in response. "Okay…SENPAI, TIP!" Ranma-chan bellowed as Excel suddenly appeared behind her. "Yah!" Ranma-chan exclaimed in shock as she tried to figure out just how the blonde was able to move so quickly without her even sensing it.

"Here you are sir," Excel stated as she handed the tray to the man and smiled congenially.

"T-T-Thank you," the man replied as he too wondered how the blonde popped up so quickly. After handing her the tip, which was only about 500 yen, he headed over to a table and continued to ponder whether or not it was humanly possible for someone to move that quickly.

"HA! Now I have enough to buy that bentou!" Excel exclaimed as she eyed the bill hungrily.

"Whatever, I just want to make it through the last fifteen minutes," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she fought the urge to fall asleep standing up. 'I just want things to go smoothly from here on out.'

"HEY! SOMEONE SPIT IN MY FRIES!"

"Damn it all."

--

'Odd, why is Ranko-kun not picking up her cell phone?' Il Palazzo thought to himself as he snapped his sleek silver cell phone shut. 'Oh well, back to the interview I suppose,' he thought to himself as he turned back to his newest applicant. "Okay, what do…the words 'World conquest' mean to you?" Il Palazzo questioned from atop his throne as he leered over his glasses trying to look intimidating. Looking down from his position in his rather comfortable chair he inspected his newest prospect of an agent and another chance to prove his sexual orientation was not what people perceived of it as being.

"It means conquering half of the world!"

"Wha? Ahem, interesting," Il Palazzo muttered as he cocked an eyebrow in confusion. For some reason that didn't make any sense to him, but he decided to let her finish before calling for his signature rope.

"To conquer the world, you conquer half of it! To conquer the half, you conquer that half…"

_**Two Hours Later**_

"…Then you conquer one entire city!" an airy feminine voice finished.

"Right…very well. You shall be inducted into our ranks as a member of our organization for the promotion of the supreme ideological ideal on earth…ACROSS! Your code name shall be…HYATT, like the hotel chain!" Il Palazzo bellowed dramatically as he waved his hand even more dramatically.

"Hail Il Pal-ACK!" a young woman with dark brown wavy hair coughed out as blood and bile were expelled from her throat. The chocolate brown eyed and buxom young woman would have been the ideal vision of beauty had she not been currently writhing on the floor and coughing out blood. By the time she finished convulsing her entire uniform, which consisted of the colours red and black spandex suit with a low cut 'v' down the center of the chest which displayed her ample bosom, was soaked with blood.

"Um…riiight," Il Palazzo muttered to himself as he stared down at the lifeless corpse before him.

--

"So what's your name?"

"I can give you my code name."

"What's your age?"

"Unspecified."

An unshaven young man donning a navy blue baseball cap simply sighed as he adjusted his black leather biker coat, pristine white dress shirt, and black tie. "Look, you either tell us something or were going to lock you up," the man said as he scooped his cup of coffee off of the black plastic table and took a sip.

"Who thought that poor customer service was considered a capital offense?" Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she stared down at the plastic handcuffs that currently bonded her hands together. Still dressed in her Wacky G's uniform she felt an odd mixture of frustration, embarrassment, and fatigue wash over her.

'I just want some sleep!' she thought to herself as she stared up at the dank and dreary ceiling of the small room she was currently sitting in. The metallic chair she was sitting in made her butt hurt and Excel's constant humming was beginning to grate on her nerves. 'I should have just married Kasumi.'

"Look lady, you and your friend are in a lot of trouble so I suggest you talk and that you do it quick!" another man, more than likely in his mid to late forties, snapped as he slammed his hands down on the table and glared at Excel who continued to hum as if oblivious to what was going on. This seemed to only frustrate the portly man even more as he balled up his fat hands into fist and shook them at the duo.

Ranma had to fight the urge to laugh as he watch the man's stomach sway and bounce under his coffee stained white dress shirt with each movement. The fact that his pants looked like they were about to explode off of him didn't help, and neither did the fact that he had a huge bald spot in the back of his head which strangely resembled a smiley face.

"So are you going to talk," the younger of the two officers questioned as he turned toward Ranma-chan who simply sighed in response. Shaking his head solemnly the young man took off his baseball cap, brushed back a few stray strands of his red/orange locks, and put his cap back on. "Okay, but don't say that we didn't give you a chance," the man stated as he got up and walked behind Ranma-chan and Excel.

"Come on you two, let's go," the man said as he helped the duo out of their seats and lead them out of the room, with Excel still humming her annoying little tune.

--

"This has got to be the stupidest plan I've ever heard of, and I've heard a lot of stupid plans before. In fact I've even acted on some of them, but this has to be one of the stupidest," Ranma-chan muttered from his position beside Excel. Both were currently dressed in orange jumpsuits and their faces were covered in dirt.

"Well since it doesn't look like they're going to just let us leave it's not like we've got any other choice. Besides, I think that this cheap metallic spoon, which already broke four times causing me to cut my self and bleed all over my uniform, is actually pretty useful as a makeshift shovel," Excel commented as she chucked another spoonful of dirt back behind her head.

Ranma-chan looked down the tunnel they had dug out from within their cell and noticed that they had actually gotten pretty far. 'We've got to at least be outside of the main section of the prison by now,' the red head thought to herself as she continued to dig out the earth that blocked her way from freedom. 'I probably could have just ripped the bars open back there, but then I would've had to deal with the guards and guards equals guns. Even I can't dodge a series of bullets,' the red head thought to herself as she considered using her Mouko Takabisha, but immediately realized that the cave they had dug out would probably cave in on them.

"I wonder how Lord Il Palazzo is doing," Excel muttered to herself with a worried expression on her face as she continued to dig. "He's probably taking my absence really hard right about now," she continued to mutter as Ranma-chan rolled her eyes and focused on the task at hand.

"Hey wait a minute! Is that light!?" Excel exclaimed as she pointed to a small hole of light shining above their heads.

"Well I'll be," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she smirked for a moment but then immediately frowned. 'Wait, something isn't right…this is far too convenient,' she thought to herself as she started to continued to dig ahead, ignoring the hole. However, as her luck would usually have it, things didn't go the way she wanted them to.

"FREEDOM!" the blonde exclaimed as she punched through the dirt sending it exploding upward and creating a small crater size hole where the two girls currently stood. "Yes!" Excel exclaimed with a dreamy expression on her face and in her emerald eyes as she gazed up at the sun and used her arm to shield her eyes.

'Oh…I haven't felt the warmth of the sun for soooo long…its warm light…it ultraviolet rays which cause skin cancer among many obsessive tanners or those not intelligent enough to put on sun block. Yes those intense rays which have been intensified due to the fact that the ozone is eroding into oblivion. It's so wonderful!' Excel thought to herself with a distant smile on her face before she heard the clicking sound of several M-16's being cocked and ready to fire.

"Like I said, this has to be the stupidest plan ever…and you have to be the stupidest partner ever!" Ranma-chan snapped as she glared at Excel while several more men dressed in green prison guard garb glared down at the duo over their guns.

"Oops…hehe."

--

'What am I going to do with the body?' Il Palazzo wondered to himself as he gazed down at Hyatt's lifeless corpse. 'I could burn it, but that would be far more trouble then it's worth…hmmm, if only Excel-kun was here I could have here deal with it,' Il Palazzo continued thinking to himself as he brought a hand up to his chin and began to stroke it pensively.

"GASP!"

'So she's still alive? Well at least I don't have to worry about disposing the body anymore, but since I've already hired her I guess I'll just have to hope that this doesn't happen to her often,' Il Palazzo thought to himself.

Meanwhile Hyatt immediately shot up with a concerned expression on her face. "For how long did I remain unconscious/dead!?" she exclaimed as the silver haired man cocked an eyebrow and then looked down at his watch.

"I believe you were out three hours…plus," he deadpanned as he looked up to regard Hyatt who had a book, which read "Memories of Heaven", and pencil in her hands.

"Let's see…I do believe that's a do record for me!" she exclaimed joyously as she scribbled in the new information she had received.

"Um, does this happen often?" Il Palazzo questioned as Hyatt simply nodded in response. 'Damn it all, I don't need dead and dying women! Now I'll look like a necrophile!' the golden eyed Overlord thought to himself with a scowl as Hyatt continued.

"Yes, in fact it does. However, I have been able to revive myself up until now. It is my goal to avoid my final collapse until this city has been conqueredUAHK!" Hyatt stated as she coughed out more blood and started to shiver.

"Hyatt," Il Palazzo began with a warm smile as he gazed down upon the woman's weak form.

"Yes, Lord Il Palazzo?" Hyatt questioned weakly as she looked up at the Overlord with a dreamy expression on her face.

"We'll limit ourselves to just making introductions today. Go ahead and take the rest of the day off…" Il Palazzo offered as he watched Hyatt slump down on to the floor. 'I need to be alone right now anyway…this is not going to look good at the next company meeting.'

"A-A-Are you sure?" Hyatt questioned weakly as she slowly pushed herself to her feet.

"Yes, I'm absolutely sure," Il Palazzo responded as he fished out the brown haired young woman's application and began to review it once again.

"Well then allow me to be rude enough to accept your kind offer," Hyatt replied as she stumbled off and out of the lair.

"Do you know where your own hideout is at?" Il Palazzo inquired as Hyatt simply nodded dumbly.

"Yes, I believe I can find it," she called back before leaving the Overlord alone in the lair.

"Okay let me see…ah! I forgot to include anything about preexisting medical conditions, shame on me! Better add that for next time," Il Palazzo thought to himself as he tucked the application away again. 'Well at least I have Ranko-kun, and Exc…Ranko-kun is fine.'

--

"And I thought Pop was stupid," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she shook her head in disbelief. "Senior, I mean Excel, is dumber by a long shot," Ranma-chan said to herself as she gazed down upon the women gathered in the prison cafeteria from a top at cheap plastic table in the center of the room. 'How she ever got this many women to join her cause still amazes me though. Maybe she's not as dumb as she looks, or there just dumber,' the red head thought to herself as she looked over a group of rather butch women packed like sardines in the cafeteria listing to Excel's motivational speech.

"Okay! Let's do this! A we women of conviction and valor or not! CHARGE AND TAKE NO PRISONERS!" Excel cried out as she thrust a broken mop the reeked of mildew into the air. As if on cue the group of women roared in support of their newly appointed leader and a turned to raise hell. "Okay, now we make a break for it!" Excel exclaimed as she jumped off the table and dashed out the door with Ranma-chan close behind.

"Is it really okay for us to use them like that?" Ranma-chan questioned as Excel nodded in response while they ran down the drab grey corridors of the prison. They passed cell after cell before Excel spoke up once again.

"While I regret not being able to aid them in their struggle, we have a higher mission to accomplish. It's with a heavy heart that I leave them behind, but I must be at Lord Il Palazzo's side in order to save this corrupt world!" Excel stated as she turned toward Ranma-chan with tears in her eyes. This of course took Ranma-chan back only for a moment before she slanted her eyes at Excel.

"Those have got to be some of the fakest tears I've ever seen. Who the hell taught you how to act?" Ranma-chan questioned as Excel face faulted in mid-stride.

"Was my acting really that bad!?" she exclaimed as she recovered and started sprinting again.

"It was B movie at best," Ranma-chan deadpanned as she continued to run, passing Excel and running meters ahead of her. 'Well at least I can finally go home and get some sleep,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a soft smile as she rounded a corner and headed toward the entrance/exit of prison. However, true to her luck, things weren't going to be that easy.

"THERE THEY ARE! THE ONES WHO STARTED THE RIOT!" a prison guard snapped as he took aim with his M-16.

'Today really is not my day,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she ducked into the warden's office at the last possible second while bullets whizzed through the air. "Now what am I going to do?" she muttered to herself as she considered using the Mouko Takabisha, but knew that it would take to much time to get it off and that he'd probably be full of holes despite his lighting quick agility. After all, there was only so much room in the corridor. However, as she continued to think, Excel suddenly crashed through the window into the warden's office with a familiar albino puppy in hand.

"MENCHI!" she exclaimed joyously as she held the dog up and looked upon her longingly. "I missed you so much; I can't believe you came all the way here for me!" Excel exclaimed as she nuzzled the dog to her face. However both Ranma and Menchi knew this wasn't the case, the prior due to the fact that she could see the horrified look in the dog's eyes.

"Arf, arf, arf, arfffff! (translated: Why does this always happen to me? I finally thought I had gotten away from this crazy ditz! All of that work constructing a make shift jackhammer only to be caught by a dog catcher, given to the warden as a pet, and then to be found by her again.)" Menchi moaned as Excel placed him on her shoulder and turned her attention to Ranma-chan.

"Soooo, how we gettin' outta here?" Excel inquired as Ranma-chan shook her head in disgust.

Looking around the drab room which contained a single wooden office desk, a mildewing black swivel chair, and a run down book shelf Ranma-chan tried to devise a plan by with which to escape. After a moment of deep thought, well deep enough for Ranma, she realized that most wardens keep a spare gun in the drawer of their desk. Quickly sprinting over to the desk the red head yanked open the middle drawer to find a black revolver ready for use, along with a few pencils and pink erasers.

"Hey, have you ever used a gun before?" Ranma-chan inquired as she looked over at Excel. Granted she had already lost her honor, but she wasn't going to become a killer.

"Let me see," Excel said taking the gun out of Ranma's hand and inspecting it like a professional before nodding. "Nope!" Excel exclaimed in the same bubbly tone of voice she always used as Ranma-chan face faulted into the warden's desk.

"Great, just great," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she watched Excel carelessly toss the revolver aside. However, what the blonde failed to realize that the gun was already cocked and ready to fire. As soon as the gun hit the ground a bullet exploded out the chamber and ricocheted within the office for a moment, causing Ranma, Excel, and Menchi to dive under the desk for cover, before it zipped out of the room. Seconds later the sound of the bullet hitting metal could be heard followed by a loud explosion and blood curdling screams.

"…Wow," was all Ranma-chan could muster by way of a response as she slinked out from under the desk and made her way towards the door to assess the extent of the damage. What she saw in the hall would be one of the few things that would haunt her nightmares forever.

"I think I'm going to be sick!" the red head exclaimed as she dashed over to the tin garbage can by the warden's desk and promptly lost her lunch.

"Oh it can't be that bad!" Excel reprimanded as she stole a glance outside only to running back in the office and hunch over beside Ranma-chan.

Menchi, seemingly being the only intelligent one in the group, simply closed her eyes and headed out of the office in the opposite direction of where the duo had looked.

"I think we should get going now," the red head offered as she grabbed a tissue of the warden's desk and wiped her mouth.

"Yeah, but let's use the back door this time," Excel replied upon recovering. Both nodded in agreement, and closed their eyes as they headed out of the office and in the opposite direction of the carnage.

--

"Man, I've got to get a job pretty soon. I'm almost out of funds," a young man, around his mid-twenties, muttered to himself as he brushed back a stray strand of his shoulder length jet black locks. His face was set into a moody glare which made him appear five years older then he actually was, and it didn't help the his slightly slanted eyes gave him a slightly perturbed look to being with. As far as his clothing was concerned he was currently donning a navy blue polo and tan khaki pants, the polo being about a size too big.

"If that idiot next door disturbs my sleep one more time, I'm going to ask the manager to kick him or her out! That racket's keeping me up at night," he continued to mutter to himself as he continued down the empty streets with only the street lights to illuminate his path on the sidewalk.

After passing a few more houses the young man turned into what looked to be a motel/apartment complex and promptly fished a set of keys out of his pants pocket. Just as he headed toward the stairs that led to him apartment he came upon a young woman slumped against the jet black railing of the stairs.

'Who would be out here at this time of night,' the man wondered to himself as he cautiously stepped forward. It was then that he noticed a beautiful woman donning a large pair of glasses, a white blouse, and a short black skirt. However what really caught his attention was the trickle of blood running out the corner of her mouth down then her face.

"Hey what are you doing out here! Hey are you okay!?" the man yelled as he rushed over to the downed woman and shook her.

"Uhhhh…a field of beautiful flowers…just across the stream," the young woman muttered as her wavy brown locks fell around her face and she opened her eyes to reveal a pair of chocolate brown orbs.

"Wha?" the young man questioned dumbly as the woman shook her head.

"Sorry, nothing. I'm just a little anemic…hey, would you mind taking me up to my apartment on the second floor?" the young woman inquired as the man nodded dumbly as he helped her up before placing her arm around his neck and starting up the stairs. "Thank you very much, you're very kind," the young woman said as they made it to the top floor.

"Don't worry about it," the raven haired man replied as they started to head down the hall. Looking out the corner of his eye to inspect the woman in his arms once more his eyes locked onto the one area of female anatomy that caught most men's eye. 'SHE'S HUGE!' the young man thought to himself as he felt beads of sweat start to form on his brow.

'Wow, not only does she have a cute face but her rack is fantastic!' he thought to himself with a semi-dreamy expression on his face as he continued to guide the young woman along. However he soon felt like a heel for getting an eye full of a woman who was in obvious need of help, and decided to quickly whip his head away before she saw him.

"So, um, which place is yours?" he questioned as they reached the last two apartments.

"Oh, apartment 204," the young woman replied weakly before the young man came to an abrupt halt.

"YOU'RE THE PERSON WHO LIVES THERE!? IT CAN'T BE!" the raven haired man bellowed in disbelief as he stared at the brown haired woman incredulously.

"Yes, I'm living there from today on," the young woman responded weakly as the young man cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

"You mean you just moved in?" he inquired as the young woman nodded her head slowly. "Well then what about the previous occupant. What happened to them?" the dark eyed man asked as the young woman sighed.

"I didn't hear anything about a previous occupant. I was simply told to retire to my hide- I mean my company housing," the young woman stated simply as they approached the last apartment and she fished out her keys from her skirt pocket. "Thank you for bringing me here-"

"Wantanabe Toru," young man offered as he watched the brown haired young woman unlock the apartment door.

"Well thank you Wantanabe-san, by the way my name is, uh, Chihaya Ayasugi. Goodnight," the young woman said as she smiled warmly at Wantanabe before shutting the door behind her.

"So I see, there was no one living there, and even if there was I doubt Ayasugi-san would have been the one to disrupt my sleep on so many nights. Besides, the voice I heard was much louder and much more annoying, and it sounded like a virtual war zone in there…perhaps I am being haunted by a spirit!" Wantanbe exclaimed as he quickly rushed into his apartment, which happened to be right next door, and slammed the door shut.

Meanwhile "Ayasugi" was busy getting ready for bed as she reached for the only available futon and prepared for bed. After changing into her night ware, which consisted of a thin white night gown, she proceeded to extract various prescription bottles out of her purse.

"I suppose it's time for my cocktail," she said to herself as she reached for a bottle of water and started to pour pills out of the varying containers into her hand. By the time she had finished pouring out the pills her hand was almost overflowing with them as she raised her hand to her mouth. After popping in all of the pills she reached for the bottle of water and took a swig before gulping down the medicine.

"Wow, what a buzz. It looks like I'll live to see another sunrise after all," "Ayasugi" said to herself as she removed her glasses revealing herself to be none other than agent Hyatt.

"Okay, now it's time for bed," the brunette mumbled to herself as she fought through her slightly groggy state and reached for the lamp switch which she promptly yanked causing the room to become in shrouded in darkness. After plopping down on to her pillow Hyatt prepared to get some much needed sleep…at least until she was interrupted by the chanting of what sounded to be a devout Nichirin Buddhist.

Reaching for a pair of ear plugs she promptly popped them into her ears while muttering, "That's just my luck, I just move into an apartment and my sleep is already being disturbed by a devout Nichirin Buddhist practicing the Lotus Sutra. Oh well…"

Meanwhile, back in Wantanabe's apartment, Wantanabe sat in the lotus position with a pair of prayer beads laced around his hands as he continued his mantra. "Nam-Myo-Ho Ren-Ge-Kyo," the raven haired man continued to chant while he thought 'The racket I've been hearing the past couple of nights must have been the work of spirits. But I have done nothing to deserve this haunting!'

It wasn't until three o'clock in the morning that Wantanabe fell asleep in the lotus position.

--

"Things sure have gotten more difficult lately haven't they, Menchi?" Excel questioned as the dog simply pouted in her arms. "The worst part is Ranko-chan is such a prude, she won't even walk with us," Excel said as she heard a sharp in take of breath from the metallic fence beside her. "She just thinks she's so cool because she can run on top of fences, but guess what…she's now where near as cool as Il Palazzo-sama," Excel whispered/hissed to the dog as she heard another sharp in take of breath from her side.

"I can hear you, ya' know?" Ranma-chan questioned as she glared at Excel who simply continued to clutch Menchi to her chest and ignored the red head. The cobalt blue eyed girl could only grit her teeth in response as she continued to run a top the fence while the light of street lights guided her way down the grey lifeless streets. To her side was a small river that at one point she would have been afraid to fall into, but now she could careless since she was stuck as girl at the moment anyway.

"GRBBBBBB!"

"I guess I'm getting kinda hungry," Excel said as she looked down at her quivering stomach, while Menchi visibly stiffened for a moment before she desperately thrashed in Excel's arms.

"Aw, calm down Menchi! I'm not going to eat you…you're emergency food rations, remember?" Excel said as the pup tried to decide whether or not that was a good thing. "Anyway, I think I need a rest, my legs are killing me," Excel stated as she prepared to sit on the sidewalk for a moment.

"Come on, we're not that much further from your place," Ranma-chan said as she leapt of the fence and stared down at Excel who was currently petting Menchi while sitting on the sidewalk.

"GRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBB!"

"It seems that Ranko-chan is even hungrier than me," Excel commented mostly to herself as a sly smile spread across her face while Ranma-chan blushed as red as a tomato.

"Whatever, come on. I'll carry ya' then, I just want to get somethin' to eat and then go to sleep," Ranma-chan stated as she swiftly scooped a surprised Excel up in her arms and bounded onto the fence again.

"HEY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'!? ONLY IL PALAZZO-SAMA CAN CARRY ME LIKE THIS, AND SINCE HE HASN'T DONE IT YET THAT DEFINITELY MEANS YOU CAN'T DO IT BUSTER!" Excel yelled into the night as Ranma-chan gritted her teeth and leapt off the fence once again.

"What are you yellin' for!?" she snapped as Excel leapt out of her arms and began to pout like a child.

"I wanted my first time to be with Il Palazzo-sama!" Excel snapped as Ranma-chan gritted her teeth to the point that it sounded like nails running across a chalk board.

"This ain't sex! I was just carryin' ya'!" Ranma-chan snapped back as the fires of rage flared up in her eyes.

"SOMEONE LIKE YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND! IL PALAZZO-SAMA WAS SUPPOSED TO CARRY ME LIKE THAT ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT!" Excel snapped as she glared daggers into the red head.

"OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD, THAT'S GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST!" Ranma-chan snapped back as she noted a yellow taxi cab heading down the street.

"IT IS NOT STUPID, YOU'RE STUPID!" Excel snapped back as she continued to glare at Ranma-chan.

"Whatever, forget it you stupid ditz let's just grab a cab and go home," Ranma-chan muttered as she tried to wave the cab down. Unfortunately she forgot that she was still dressed in her prison garb.

"Hey, why ain't he stoppin'?" Ranma-chan inquired as she waved her hand more frantically.

"Maybe it's because we're dressed like prisoners, and there's a giant sign that reads "Don't pick up hitchhikers, they may be escaped convicts"," Excel read off as the cab prepared to blow by them.

"SLAM!"

"One that's one way to flag a cab I guess…remind me not to call you stupid again," Excel said as she chuckled sheepishly while looking at Ranma-chan's fist embedded in the hood of the cab. The driver too, who looked to be about forty or so with a receding hair line, simply stared wide eyed at the red head who yanked her fist out of the giant dent and walked over to the passenger's seat.

"Come on, get in. We're goin' home," Ranma-chan muttered as she opened the door and slid into the cab before slamming it shut while Excel followed suit with Menchi in her arms. However as soon as the cab started up again the sounds of sirens could be heard and with seconds the duo was surrounded by SDF (Japanese Special Defense Forces) vehicles.

"Damn it all," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she kicked the driver out of the cab and shifted over to the driver's seat before slamming her foot on the accelerator.

--

"Hail Il Palazzo," a semi-unenthused airy feminine voice stated as Il Palazzo looked down at Hyatt over his glasses as he sat perched a top his throne in his secret lair.

"Ah, good morning Hyatt-kun. Did you sleep well?" the Overlord inquired as Hyatt nodded.

"Yes sir, I had an excellent rest. I feel as though all my grievances have been allayed," Hyatt replied with an airy smile on her face as she stood ready in her uniform.

"Very well, since Ranko-kun has yet to call in with her where abouts I suppose you'll have to handle today's-" Il Palazzo started before he was cut off by the hissing of the lair's automatic door opening.

"We made it!" Ranma-chan gasped out as she and Excel dragged themselves into the lair using only their arms as their legs appeared to be useless. Both girls orange jumpsuits were ripped and shredded in various places and there were some spots that looked as though they might have been shot at. Their uniforms were also smoking where the holes were and dirt completely covered their faces. Excel was even dragging the taxi's license plate in her hands, which was full of empty shells and dents from various types of bullets.

"Il Palazzo-sama! Excel is here and ready to do your bidding! Please forgive me for being so late, I have a very good reason however if you will only listen to it," Excel exclaimed as she and Ranma-chan crawled up beside Hyatt.

"Ah, good morning Excel-kun and Ranko-kun…you're late," Il Palazzo greeted with a warm smile as his signature rope appeared beside him and he promptly yanked it. Excel barely managed to paw her way up before falling in while Ranma-chan used the last of her fleeting strength to flip out of the way at the last possible second.

"Very impressive Ranko-chan," Il Palazzo commented with a look of surprise on his face as Ranma-chan glared at him.

"What's the big-AIYEEEE!"

"SPLASH!"

"Yes, very impressive but not good enough," Il Palazzo finished.

"Um sir, who is she?" Hyatt inquired as the silver haired Overlord cleared his throat.

"Ah yes, those two are your co-workers. They went missing awhile ago, but it appears they have returned," Il Palazzo stated simply as Hyatt gasped and

"Hello, I didn't know I had a senpai. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, and I hope to serve you well," Hyatt greeted with a warm smile as she offered Excel a hand up.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I look forward-AYIEEE!"

"SPLOOSH!"

"My, my, did Hyatt-kun die again while trying to help Excel-kun? Oh well, it sounds like the both of them are having fun," Il Palazzo commented to himself as he heard the sound of coughing and the sloshing of water.

"I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp you cape wearing sissy!" Ranma-chan hissed through clenched teeth as finished pulling herself out of the trap door and glared at Il Palazzo, which was made all the more intimidating due to the fact that the bags in her eyes were currently drooping so low that she looked like a hush puppy.

"Impressive, do you honestly think you stand a chance?" Il Palazzo questioned as Ranma-chan forced herself onto her feet using a pillar for support.

"BECAUSE OF YOU, IL PALAZZO, I HAVE SEEN HELL! DIE!" Ranma-chan snapped, trying to ignore the fact that she sounded like Ryoga, as she lunged at the silver haired Overlord.

"BLOOD! WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD IL PALAZZO-SAMA!? WHY IS SHE VOMITING BLOOD!? AHHHHHHH!"

"I think I'll hold off on that note," Ranma-chan commented dryly with slanted eyes as she landed deftly on the ground and simply stared at the pit where Excel's voice had just screamed out from.

"That would be a wise decision, otherwise you might have been joining them," Il Palazzo stated as he placed his hand near another rope and watched Ranma-chan gulp nervously.

"THE BLOOOOOOOOOOD! KAMI-SAMA, THE BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

**To Be Continued**

_**Mini-Series: Nabeshin and Rikudou vs. WDTDR!**_

"Damn, that was a close one," Nabeshin panted out as he wiped the sweat off of his brow with his blazer sleeve and allowed his smoking Beretta to fall clattering onto the ground.

"_**H-H-How? How did I lose?"**_ the figure in white questioned as it stood hunched over with its weapon severed in half at its feet. A small dribble of crimson blood made its way out of the corner of the figure's snow white lips as it clutched its side tightly as a red blotch spread across the once pristine white fabric.

"You lost because you suck. No second rate fan fiction writer can beat the original creator. That's just simple logic," Rikudou stated simply as he wiped the sweat from his brow as well and glared at Bad Guy through his thick frames.

"He's right. Besides I'm the Director, so there was no way I could lose this early in the story," Nabeshin stated as he shrugged his shoulders and inspected the sizzling holes in his blazer. 'Damn, I just got this dry cleaned,' he thought to himself with a frown as he shook his head in disgust.

"_**I-I-I-I see, if that's the case then…what are you going to do with me now?"**_ figure inquired in an almost fearful tone as it lifted its head to regard the two men before it.

"Were going to finish kicking your ass of course, but before that we're going to brutally beat you and interrogate you in order to find out where Where Does the Darkness Reside disappeared to," Nabeshin stated simply as the figure visibly shuddered in response.

"_**Can't we bypass the ass kicking, and I just tell you were he went?"**_ the figure inquired weakly as the two men looked between each other.

"Well what do you think?" Rikudou asked Nabeshin, who stood stroking his chin pensively and looked as if he was in deep thought.

"Let me see…NAH! Kicking ass and brutally interrogating people we've defeated is the best part!" Nabeshin exclaimed as he cracked his knuckles menacingly.

"_**Please! Isn't it bad enough that I'm the retired pen name of a second rate fan fiction author who seeks to legitimatize works by other authors and allow them profit off of their terrible works of fan fiction much like how he plans to do with his own!?"**_ the figure cried out as the men turned to each other and looked pensive once again.

"He does have a point, I think an existence like that has got to be worse than death," Rikudou stated as Nabeshin nodded in agreement.

"Alright, we'll bypass the other stuff. Now, tell us where he went," Nabeshin said as he slanted his eyes menacingly at the cloaked figure.

"_**O-O-Okay, he went to see…him," **_the diminutive figure stuttered out as he added extra emphasis to the word "him".

"Him? You mean like the band HIM? No offense but those guys suck, why did he go to see them of all people? Does he want to annoy us to death or something?" Nabeshin inquired as Rikudou and the figure both slapped their faces into their hands and groaned.

"Besides the fact that you probably just pissed off a fourth of the readers reading this fan fiction, he was talking about "him". You know…Vex, not the band HIM," Rikudou stated as he added extra extra emphasis to "Vex".

"You don't mean the often cynical, occasionally satirical, super critical, and insanely powerful fan fiction writer do you?" Nabeshin questioned as Rikudou simply stared at him for a moment.

"That's exactly who I'm talking about…"

"Oh...In that case we're fucked."

"I know."

**To Be Continued**

Author's Note: First of all I do not think that HIM sucks, okay? It was just a joke, so get over it. In fact I don't even listen to them so how would I know if they're good or bad? Answer: I wouldn't.

Anyway, I hope this chapter was enjoyable for the most part. Sorry there was so much filler and the like but I thought starting off slow would be best. Don't worry, however, things will be picking up next chapter once I reintroduce a member (or possibly two) of the NWC into the equation. Besides that, I'll be introducing a few more Excel Saga characters into the mix as well.

Also, for those of you who thought this chapter went by the Excel Saga manga a bit too much all I can say is don't worry. This was just a preliminary chapter to get some people up to speed with some of the gimmicks and overall attitudes of some of the characters. I can guarantee that chapter 3 will almost be completely original with only a small outline of the manga framing it.

Anyway, as always please review and feel free to flame if it sucks!


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